New blog

Please check out my new blog over at http://dailylife-sanfordstyle.blogspot.com/, don't forget to "become a follower." I plan to have this blog made into a "scrapbook", and then I will be deleting it.

moving on

So I have decided that I do not need two blogs..its too much work now that I am no longer foot loose and fancy free. So I am going to combine my foster care blog, as well as my family blog. This is where you come in. I need help coming up with a cool name. Any suggestions?

Karen

Are we there yet..

So far we've driven well over a thousands miles. We've been hikiing, watched the sun set, slept in, had a bbq, went swimming in a water fall, visited an Indian reservation, shopped, play at the parked,visited historic builtmore, stayed in a hotel (a first lil man), swam in the pool ate some GREAT food....Shopped some more..visited a massive toy store, and many many more things.

Right now we are at my sisters house in Virgnia. Lil Man had a great time playing with the other children. Tomorrow we are off to the beach (another first), and then heading to my other sisters for Pizza, and crafts!

time flies..

Time flies when your having fun..Today is our last day in the mountains. We've been keeping busy shopping, visiting waterfalls, splashing in the lake, taking naps, and checking out the towns around us. Lil Man is doing really well, he has only had one big melt down the entire trip! Tomorrow we are going to Asheville, NC to visit the biltmore house. I am a little nervous about taking Lil Man there, but keeping my fingers crossed. Then its off to Virginia Beach to visit my sisters, and their children!!

Check back later for pictures..

Don't give me that look

Can someone tell me why I am letting other peoples comments get to me? I am no longer struggling with the fact that we are not going to adopt our Lil Man. I know in my heart it is not meant to be. As I have said before we came into this situation to foster not to adopt. By adopting Lil Man it will close the doors to foster care. Every single time people find out we are not going to adopt him they have this look upon their face as if they cannot believe what I just said. Several people have said God led him into our lives, for us to adopt. How do you know that? Couldn't God just lead him to us for us to care for and love on, until he finds his forever family?

suitcase

We are going on vacation this upcoming week, for almost two weeks. We have a few stops on our trip, first stop the mountains in North Carolina, and then onto Ashville, NC and lastly off to Virginia to pick up my niece 'J". J is coming to stay with us for a few weeks as she does ever summer.

I was trying my hardest to keep our vacation a secret from Lil Man, because he cannot handle a change in routine. Every five minutes for the last 48 hours I have heard "mom are we going on vacation now.? "Is it vacation time?" "Are we going to pick up Jannae yet?" "Is it time to go to the mountains?"

"Not yet hunny" is all I can say. "We have two more days, see look at the calender".

I am going to hide the suite cases before bed tonight with hopes that he will forget about it for at least a few hours.

Wishful thinking..

Happy 4th

Yesterday was another day full of first for our Lil Man

First time eating a snow cone
First time holding a sparkler
First time watching fireworks
Fist time having his face painted
Fist time getting a tattoo
First time laying outside on a blanket watching the stars.

What a great day we had together.

Ahh shit..

I guess I spoke too soon. My Lil Man has been off the wall the last two days. Let's see what happened today

-peed himself out of defiance
-spit on someone
-told a kid at chick fil a "I'm going to jack you up"
-told me to shut up
-ran away while outside with hubby
-had a 30 mintue screaming fit
-called me a bitch
-told me he was going to kill me

But on a good note he didnt cry or throw down when it was time to leave the pack.

hold tight

Lil Man continues to do so much better. I am so proud of all of the progress he has made! When we first got him taking him out to the store was a horrific act. He was like a caged animal who had just been let loose. I would have to "fight" to get him to sit in the shopping car. Getting the buckle on him was a whole other story. He would wiggle out of the buckle, stand up, try jump out. Scream blood murder.

A few times I took him to the store with no intentions of buying anything, it was solely for practise. Several times I left the store empty handed, reminding him that we had to leave because he was not listening with his ears.

Fast forward to last night. After dinner Lil Man and I headed to the store to pick up some groceries. He was given the choice to walk holding onto the cart, or to sit in the seat. He decided that he wanted to walk. After a few minutes he took off. I snatched him up before he could get too far, and buckled him into the seat.

I told him "you did not listen with your ears you have to ride in the shopping cart."

A few minutes later he said "I am ready to listen with my ears."

So I allowed him to get back out and hold onto the cart...For the rest of the shopping trip his hand was firmly attached to the shopping cart.

It's nice to blend in with everyone else in the store. I don't like being the center of attention.

Pushed to the limit..

Today we had a long day of shopping with Lil man in tow. Our first stop was the car dealership, where were stuck there for two hours. After spending a small fortune on a new car for the hubby I decided I needed to do some spending so we headed for the outlet mall.

Lil Man got a few shirts, a pair of sun glasses, some Scottish candy, and two rides on the .50 cent ponnies. I picked up a totally cute liz claborn purse which retails for $70.00, I paid $15.00! I also got a pair of sandles.


A few hours later we headed to Target. Lil Man loves Target, he pretends he's going to Target when playing with his cars! When he was told he could not get a new car he totally lost it.

"I don't like this family anymore"

"I am going to tell people to shut up"

Me: "I cant hear what your saying, because your not talking nicely"

"I said I don't like this family"

Hubby and I are just ignoring him

"You make me so angry"

Hubby and I are talking to each other.

"hello Mommy, I said I dont like this family"

"Mommy?"

"I want a new family"

"shut up"

"shut up"

"shut up"

"mommy?"

"Mommy?"

I just continue my shopping all the while nosy people are staring at us. I smile, and keep walking.

"Mommy I love you, and our family"

How sweet it is..To be loved by you..

PSA

So I am writing a public service announcement to all those out there who don't know what to say to my Lil Man.

For example:

"Go give this to your Aunt Karen."

"your uncle Wayne is here."

We're not his aunt and uncle. He doesn't have to call us MR. and Mrs. He doesn't have to call us Mom and Dad.

He either calls us:

By our first name: Karen, and Wayne

Mommy, and Daddy, because for right now are for filling that role in his life.

or Mama Karen and Daddy Wayne.


Also when introducing myself, my husband and our Lil Man to someone please don't point out that he is our foster child, right in front of him. There is no need to call him out.

Boy was my Lil man confused tonight at a rehearsal dinner for Wayne's bros wedding.

Three Lil Men

Lil man continues to do well on his new regime of mediation, as well as a lot of direct supervision. Today I took all three boys to the flint aquarium. With the amount of stuff I packed one would have thought we were going out of town for the weekend.

Seeing their excitement is well worth the one hour drive. We got home arou nd 3pm, relaxed in front of the tube for a little while, played some cars, and puzzles. Around 5pm we headed for the outdoor pool/water park. After the pool we stopped by Wendy's, for some yummy processed food. As soon as we got home the boys hit the hay, I haven't hear a peep since.

Caring for 3 boys 4 and under wears me out. I don't know how you other Mommies do it. They listen very well, but they are always on the go. From sun up to sun down it is non-stop work!

splish splash

I am sitting outside soaked in bug spray, watching my Lil man play. He's sliding down his slide into his pool. Two months ago, he could not be trusted to play in the back yard unless we were standing beside him. Right now I am several feet away, chillin under an umbrella. I do not have to worry about him running away. He has gotten control of his body, and now understand what stop means.


It took a hundred and one trips back inside for him to finally understand that if he runs away he will not be allow to play in the backyard. One hundred and one tantrums, one hundred and one I hate you's. All that hard work has finally paid off!

Ahh, life is good!

One way or another

Last night I lay in bed and fought away tears. My heart was breaking for the little man who now calls me Mommy. We did not become foster parents with the intentions of adopting. We have been asked several times if we are interested in adopting our Lil Man, but we have yet to come up with an answer.

His needs are life long, he may never be able to function as an independent adult. He may grow up and be just fine, as long as he is on medication.

Meeting Lil Man's birth family yesterday was a huge eye opener to me. He has endured so much, but he has come so far. I cannot imagine what condition he would be in if he had been left in the care of his birth Mother. At least now he has a fighting chance.

As of right now we do not want to adopt. We are a young couple who are just starting out. At the same time if we do not adopt him I feel as if we are failing him.

My heart breaks when he asks why he cant go to his "other mama's house" (former foster mother). I cannot imagine him being in someone else home crying out for myself and my husband, and us not being there to comfort him.

We have about a month to make a decision one way or another. Who knew such a lil guy could make such a huge impact.

Happy (foster_ Fathers day

Happy (foster) Fathers day.

On Father's day, and always,

May this gesture of love express my gratitude

for all you have given to me.

May your Father's day be filled

with the same joy, and laughter

with which you have shown me.

Thank you for showing your strenght,

your wisdom, and your love.

Thank you for loving me.

Love your Lil Man

Visit (update)

Lil Man did really well at his visit today. Instead of being his birth mom and Aunt there, there were over 15 family members. Talk about overwheleming. He took everything instride playing with his cousins, posing for a few pictures, and drinking chocolate milk.

His BM did not pay him much attention, she just chatted about her life, and her new baby. She did hug and kiss him good bye. The Aunt who had him in her care for 17 months, was all over him, as were her five daughters. You can tell that his aunt really cared about him.

Today was a real eye opener, it was my first experaince with a birth mom, let along a birth family. They are supposed to see him next month before court, as rights are being terminated this time (or so they say.)

Visits

All is going well in our house hold. Lil Man has turned into my baby. He crawls, around saying "mama mama, pick me up" in the cutest little baby voice. Acting like a baby is a safe thing for Lil man. He likes to be rocked, and held like a baby. Whatever my boy wants..he gets..SPOILED!

Tomrorow he is having a two hour long visit with is birth Mom (BM), I am not sure what to expect. As far as I am aware he does not know/consider her his Mommy. He referrs to her by her first name.

I am still a little puzzled as to why she is allowed to visit. She has not seen lil man in four months. Before the visit four months ago, it had been seven months. So in a year she has seen her child twice. His previous foster Mother told me that his BM doesnt even pay him attention at visits.

But atlast we have to play by the rules. The law states she still has rights.

Nope, not yet..

All that excitment for nothing..Our angecy will not lift the "specatily" title that was placed on Lil Man because of his needs. They said his behiavors have to be consisnt for 90-120 days before we can accept another placement. So we cannot take the child we recived the call about yesterday. A 6 yr old little boy with quadriplegic CP, abd g-tube fed.

He is in another foster home with five other children, and they are not able to meet his needs.

I am so sadened that we cannot care for him. Medically fragile children is one of the main reasons we decided to become foster parents. All because of a little girl named Teagyn.

Case worker..update

Below is a copy of an email I sent to Lil man's case worker..

Just wanted to let you all know that Lil Man l is doing WONDERFUL! The new combo of medication has helped greatly! His negative behaviors are almost non-existent, with the exception of typical 4 yr old behaviors.

He has come so far in a few short weeks. He now dresses himself daily, cleans his room when prompted, brushes his hair, etc with little assistance! He no longer wears pull up's to bed , and has not wet the bed in weeks.

His attention span has improved he will stay focused, and finish an activity, rather than bouncing for thing to thing.

His impulse control has improved greatly. He can be trusted to play alone in his room without direct supervision. When he does something wrong he now shows remorse, and says sorry without being prompted.

For the passed three day's at school he has stayed in the classroom the entire day without having to be removed due to his rages. Previous he was being removed multiple times a day. He is following directions, and interacting more with his classmates.

The only time his negative behaviors come out is when he is in a new setting or overly tired. Today we went bowling, and he acted out, because he was over stimulated.

We are so proud of how far he has come, and hope he only moves forward from here!

Karen

Ring baby ring..

I got an exciting phone call today about a possiable placement!! Check back tomorrow for more info.

What a waste

Respite was a big fat wast of time. When I picked Lil Man up he came running to me with a red kool-aid jammer in his hand shouting"mommy mommy, thanks for coming back to get me." I specifically asked the respite Mom to only give him 100% juice, milk or water. I told her we are trying to stay away from red food dye, and other junk foods. While these thing's might be okay for some they are not okay for my Lil Man. It gives him 10000% times more engery, and anger.

Respite Mom had his bags packed, and we headed out the door. He refused to get into the car, refused to sit in his carseat, refused to keep his shoes on. Screamed half the way home, refused to get out of the car, and continue his antics until he went to bed 30 mintues early.

I couldnt take it anymore.

So it looks like we're back at square one, all of our hard work was just flushed down the toilet. Good by sweet boy, welcome back my little ranging terror.

I am kicking myself for putting him in respite, I feared this would happen. Last week was a great week. We had no rages, a huge attention span, and sweet little boy to go along with it.

On Thursday and Friday he stayed in the classroom ALL day at daycare. He did not get sent to time out ONCE..NOT ONE TIME in two days.

So its back to boot camp one on one. We have to stay on top of his every move, we cant give him an inch because he will take a mile.

I hope he is just testing us, and things will get back to "normal", becuase I don't want things to go back to what they were like six weeks ago.

Fingers crossed.

mommy guilt

The hubby and I are finally celebrating our first wedding anniversary tomorrow.  As foster parents we are not allowed to leave our foster children with baby sitters.  In order for someone to babysit one of our foster children they must have a background check, be first aid and CPR certified, and complete the required training.  They must also be over the age of 18, and can only care for the children in our home.

So tonight we are dropping Lil Man off at another foster home, so we can have a little respite.  I feel horrible dropping him off with someone he does not know.  I would not leave my biological child with a random person. 

Its a tough situation as newlyweds it's important we spend time together.  But at the same time we signed up to care for Lil Man, so that we must do.  I feel like I am failing him, he is going to be confused.  I just hope he does not regress.

I have not told him yet, because telling him this far in advance will cause his little head to spin out of control.  I will let him know about an hour before we leave.

The hubby and our case worker keep on assuring me that Lil Man will be okay.  But that doesnt make me feel any better.   

Down 42, and stuck

Since January 5th of this year I have lost 42lbs, but I seem to be "stuck." I wish I could pay someone to shave my hips off so that I no longer look like a pear.  I've dropped 2 dress sizes, and lost a a lot of inches, but my hips aren't moving. My hips are about 10 inches bigger than my waist which makes buying jeans a pain in the butt!!

Pants just fall of my waist,they  are too tight in in the hips..There is a of extra fabric in the front, and they are typically too big on my legs.

I know I will never be a size 6, but damn a 10 would  be nice.

At lest i've still got boobs! HA!

Oh my lordy..

Around 6:30am, I heard a squeaky little voice call "mommy."  Like the good Mother that I am I hopped out of bed to see what was the matter.   I obliviously walked into Lil mans room to find him sitting naked on his bed. There was poop everywhere.  My worst nightmare had just came true.

I am not sure how it all unfolded, but all I know is that his sheet, his comforter, his pillow, as well as his body was covered in poop. Not what I wanted to wake up too on this bight and sunny Wednesday morning.

Thankfully he didnt smear his poop all over the textured  walls, now that would have been a disaster.

My house stinks...

What?

 

I just got a email form Lil Man's case worker, his Birth Mom wants to visit him.  She hasn't seen him  or call to inquire about him since February.  I am assuming she's wanting to show off her new baby, and scope us out since she just found out he's in a new placement.

Is paper work says no family contact, and his goals are non-reunification and TPR.

The last foster Mother told me she ignore him during visit's. So why does she want to visit?

I wonder..

Mr. poopy pants

On Friday Lil Man was not feeling well.  He was up a lot of the night with a barking  cough.. By Saturday he hadnt gotten any better so off the doctor's we went.  I am so glad our pediatrician is open on Saturdays!

Despite my best efforts Lil Man had to touch everything insight.  Germs don't scare him, so he didn't care when I told him "dont touch that your going to get germs"

We were in and out in record time with a diagnosis of croup, and 3 rounds of steroids.  The cough was almost gone by Sunday. 

This morning Lil Man woke me up at 6am with "Mommy, I have to poop.", who poops at 6am? 

Low and behold he has the runs..most likely he picked something up at the doctors office.  If only he had listened and kept his hands to himself.  We are on outfit number 5 of the day.   I tired to put a pull-up on him just in case but he thought it was cute to poop in it so that didn't work.

Just when I thought I was caught up on my laundry.

fun times

Yesterday I took Lil Man, P and Willie B to see Sesame Street live.  I was worried that Lil man would run off, but he did really well holding hands.  I carried Willie B in the sling, put a harness on Lil man just in case, but also held is hand, and held onto to parker with my spare finger hand. 

They each got a tee-shirt, and a flag..They sat great for the entire show.  Lil Man kept trying to run off and get on stage.  He just wanted to give big bird a hug.

The cotton candy was a huge hit, as was the popcorn. 

Afterwards we went to the mall, where we received many nasty comments, for having "so many children so close in age"  I just wish people would mind their business. 

After someone has made a nasty comment, I love to say "actually none of them are mine, i'm the nanny"  Maybe next time they will think before they speak.

Life book

As a foster parent, we are required to make a "life book" for our foster children.  The purpose of a life book is to document important information, and mile stones of the child's life while he/she is in care.

I have made the first few pages in Lil mans scrapbook/life book.  The first page says "It's a boy", and his birth date, weight, and the location of his birth.  It also includes the full names of his birth parents.  What is missing is a picture of a tiny  baby boy.

Sadly our Lil man came with nothing, not even a picture.  He has lost the first four years of his life, and memories to the system.  Passed events will be forgotten, and questions will go unanswered, because we simply don't know.

He has been in seven different homes, and not one person had the time or desire to create a life book for him.  He often talks about people, and I have no clue how they are related.  He speaks often about the dog he had in his previous foster home.

There is no record of important mile stones, no evidence  of birthday parties, or Christmas celebrations.  I have tired to gather information from his DFAC's worker,  but she can barley answer her phone let alone find out important information.

I hope that when he goes onto his forever family, his life book will be able to answer some of the questions he has.  I hope he will see that we enjoyed having him in our lives, and that we tired our best to give him a normal life.

I love that Lil man, even when he spits in my face.

The right thing?

I am sitting here beating my head against the wall.  Around 12:30 I got a call from Lil Man's daycare.  He was screaming so loud in the background, I couldn't understand what the director was saying. 

By the time I went to pick him up, he was finished with his screaming fit, but I took him home.  He was screaming because he wanted to wake the other children so that he would have someone to play with.

I am not sure if we made the right decision by taking Lil Man into our home.  He has made great improvements since being placed with us.  He listens very well to me.  However daycare is a different situation

He pee's on the floor out of frustration

Spits on people

Tells me people to shut up

Screams at nap time, hoping to wake the other kids

Runs out of the classroom

Demands food

He pretty much rules the roost.

Would he be better off in a family with a Mother the stays at home?  When we were on vacation, he did really well, because he was with myself and my husband for 6 days 24/7.

I have sent in educational info to the teachers.  I have taken time off work, to show them how we deal with the negative behaviors.  I have talked and talked and talked to them.

He loves to go to "school", he enjoys painting, playing with his friends, and running around.  He doesn't enjoy sitting at the table, or taking a nap.  But hey we all have to do things we don’t like, that's apart of life.

He is never going to advance academically if he cant sit still for more than two seconds.

There are no daycare's for special needs children.  He attends one of the best daycare's in our town.  There are only five children in his class. 

He will return again Monday morning, and I will bit my tongue, and cringe each time my phone rings.

I am just trying to ride out the storm until the school year starts.  August cannot come fast enough.

Spoke too soon..

Today at school Lil Man told his teacher "i'm gonna pee on your floor", and he did..

Such a defiant Lil bugger..

Home

There are hundreds of children around the world dying from starvation, or some other treatable disease.  A lot of these children are in orphanages waiting for their "forever family."

I've looked at a lot of their pictures, read their story, and have even feel in love with a few of them.  But there is no way we could afford $25K to adopt a child.

I just don't understand.  Doesn't the government see that these kids need a home..better yet they need food and proper medical care.  So why on Earth does it cost so much?

Thankfully in our area is it free to adopt a child from the foster care system.  Many times the child is still eligible for insurance, and a small per deim.

I will admit we have been asked if we are interested in adopting Lil Man, and I couldn't come up with an answer.  I don't think we have had enough time to bond with him.  To adjust to our new role as Mom, and Dad. I am not sure if I am willing to commit my entire life to Lil Man.  I do not think he will be able to live on his own as an adult.

However at the same time I cannot imagine our life without him. He consumes so much of our time, I am not sure we will know how to act if and when he "goes home."

I don't want to be another person who  walks out on him.  I don't want him to wake up crying for me at night, and I not be there to comfort him.  I don't want him to ask his "next mama", where I am.  I don't want her to have to tell him "I'm your Mommy now."

In such a short time he he has made a huge impact on our life.  I hope nothing but the best for our Lil Man, where ever he ends up in life.

Loving life..

I am enjoying  life thru Lil Man's life. There are so many simple thing he has not experienced his his four short years.  Thing's that most parents do with their children on a weekly basis.

Yesterday he had his first experience with play doh.  The look on his face was priceless as the hubby molded different shapes and animals for Lil man to look at.

I squeezed the play doh into his hand, and his sweet little eyes became huge.

He had his first ice cream, first experience riding a train, first time  bouncing on a moonwalk.  First time painting, using calk, sticking stickers on paper, and using glue!

Simple thing's bring him so much joy! I'm lovin it.

Rages..a thing of the past?

Lil man has been with us for just over a month. He has been on his new medication for a little over 2 weeks.  I am so happy to say that the medication is helping a great deal. He no longer rages for 1-2 hours a time.  I am not even sure they classify as rages at this point since they only last 5-15 minutes.

He is still defiant as all get out, but at least he doesn't throw down and trash the house!! Yesterday he showed his true colors while out in public..talk about embarrassing..

He told me: I am gonna rip your head off

He scratched my arm

Tired to bite me

screamed the store down

Threw a few items

screamed some more

told me he was gonna trash my stroller.

and yes people that is a big improvement than before.

Sadly he isnt doing any better at "school" I don't think his teacher is equipped to handle him. I have been working with the director, and we have a few things in place. So we will see how it goes this week

Since stopping the adderall he has  been bouncing off the walls, but I will take the hyperness over the rages any day.

The beast

Tonight I took Lil Man and P to see a ballet performance of Beauty and the Beast.  We knew six little girls (all under 5) who were going to be in it so we couldn't pass up the opportunity to see them all dressed up!

Lil man did great.  His eyes where wide and aware.  He was a little unsure of the Beast.  At one point he put his hand over my eyes, so that "I" would not get scared while the Beast was on stage.

Near the end he asked me if he could get up on stage in a pretty dress, and dance around on his toes. 

After the performance we headed over to my friend S's house, for an ice cream Sunday party in celebrating of the great job her little girl M did in the show.

All was well, Lil man used his manners, gobbled up his ice cream, and asked for seconds! Shortly before 10pm it was time for us to head up. I give plenty of warning.

"In 5 minutes we are going to clean up the toys, because its time to go home"

"Remember in a few minutes we are going to clean up, because its almost time to go home"

We started cleaning up the playroom and little man lost it.  He started kicking  the toys, and telling me "no I am not going home." 

Thankfully S understands, but still its hard. I scooped him up before things escalated.  I then made a mad dash to the car, and hit the road.

I am a very kid friendly person, I like to take them places, but when Lil Man throws down, it makes me want to stay home.

Somebody spare me.

Lil man was taken off his "sleeping pill" two weeks ago.  He was prescribed another one, that was supposed to do the same thing.  For the last week he has cried for the first 3-4 hours after falling asleep.  I spoke with the Dr several times, and was told a side effect of the medication was vivid dreams.  She told me not to worry because he was still getting a restful night sleep (bs).

He appears to be sleeping but cries loud and calls my name.  Often times he is sitting up in the bed. Despite weather or not he's getting a good night sleep I am NOT.

Yesterday I called again and asked for her to take him off the medication.  She told me to give him 25mg of benadryl which I did tonight.  He feel fast asleep, and was sound a sleep until 9pm.  It is now 10:05, and he has been crying on and off for the last hour.  Nothing I do helps, because as soon as I leave the room he starts back up again. 

I am afraid the week of crying out in his sleep has now became a habit, because he if fully awake and screaming his lil heart out, because he wants to sleep in my bed.   I am so tempted to put him into the bed with me, but sharing a bed with a foster child is a huge no no..A girls gotta sleep some time.

He is 1000 times more defiant when he hasn't had a good night sleep, so this week has been rather interesting. 

I am so tired, I just need one night of decent sleep. To top it all off I am on my own this weekend, as my hubby is heading out of town tomorrow.

Lil Man's adventures

P, Lil Man, and Willie B at rest area.

Willie B hanging out on the porch with his blankie

Checking out the waterfall (note: I cannot post pics of lil man's face as he is not legally our child)

Lil Man, and I checking out the view

 

Lil Man on Sun set rock

White Water Falls

 

So many stairs..such little legs...

That's all for tonight...I'm off to bed.

So many firsts.

Lil man has experienced so many firsts over the last few days. Talk about over stimulation..We left Thursday morning and drove about 7 hours to the mountains in Highlands, NC. Willie B and P drove up with us also.

Within 20 minutes of being on the road Lil Man had to pee.  Nothing like peeing on the side of the highway!

On the way up we stopped at subway for lunch, and got a million and one questions about "our three boys who are so close in age."

Lil Man was very unsure about his "mountain vacation", as he has never taken a vacation before.  I kept reassuring him "we are going to stay in our vacation house for a few days, and then we will come home to our XX house".  After the 159th time it finally sunk in.

Every few minutes a little voice from the back seat would say "where are the mountains?' " I don't see them."  "Drive faster", "are we there yet?"

After hours and hours of driving we could finally see the mountains in the distance. Lil Man's eyes lit up.  "We're going up the mountain", he shouted for at least an hour.

What an exhausting adventure..I hope I recover quickly..We're off to the beach in 2 weeks.

Check back later for more vacation adventures, as well as a few pictures.

MIA

We're vacationing in the mountain's  trying to escape the summer heat.  The hubby and I just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary.  Lil man is having the time of his life, hiking, splashing in rain puddles, and scooping out waterfalls.

Thankfully he's being pretty well behaved!

Chocolate

Being a foster parent is by far one of the hardest "jobs" I have had in my entire life.  I feel so sorry for my little boy.  He has been non-stop kicking, yelling, screaming, biting, hitting, and crying since I picked him up from daycare at 5pm.

I am so tired, I dont even had the energy to pack my suitcase and we are leaving first thing in the morning.

I wish I could erase the passed

I wish he could just be happy.

He threw his dinner

Trashed his bedroom

Cried for his dinner after it was taken away

Put a band aid on because he was picking

Refused a bath

Cried for a bath when I put his Pjs on.

Yelled at me

Spit on me

Threw his toys

Took the band-aid off

Cried for another band aid

Laid in my arms, sobbing

Asked for his food (which was in the trash since he threw it on the floor)

Refused his medication

Finally got in the bath

Pooped in the bath

Back out of the bath

I scrubbed the tub, and toys

Ran ANOTHER bath

Got him back into the tub

Cried he wanted out of the bath

Cried louder when I took him out of the bath.

Laid in my arms crying

Refused to put on any Pj's

Didnt want a bedtime story

Cried when I put him into bed naked without a story.

Finally got his PJ's on.

Cleaned up his bedroom

Snuggled for a little while

Read him a story.

Gave him his meds

Kissed him good night

Tucked him into bed.

I Sat down

and he came running and screaming "I wanna watch tv"

Put him back into bed

I Sat on the floor to make sure he didnt get out.

Cried and cried and cried..I want another band-aid.

He settled down, and I left the room.

I think he's finally asleep.  I wont dare open the door to check.

Anyone got any vodka chocolate?

Dork..

We are leaving in less than48 hours for a 8 (ish) hour car ride with P, Willie B, and Lil man.

I've been busy packing all day..

• I've got a bag for snacks a drinks.
• A bag with diapers, wipes, extra change of clothes, and blankies
• A bag full of new toys-stocked up at the dollar store.  I  bought three of each item (chalk board, stickers, board books, slinkies, and a bunch of other crap).  I opened all the packages, and put things into zip lock bags in three's.  I can just reach into the toy bag,  grab a zip lock bag and toss it in the back..There's plenty for everyone.
• Each boy has a suite case
• Hubby has a case
• I've got a case
• Pack n play
• high chair
• meds
• camera
• laptops
• cell phones
• more toys
• single stroller
• Double stroller

I'm not sure I am going to have space for the kids.  I am such a dork I love being organized..

Changes

Each day, ten babies in the U.S. alone are born with a severe enough disabilities to warrant a diagnosis of FAS in infancy, necessitating specialized care and direct supervision throughout their entire lifetime.

As many as one hundred babies are born each day in the U.S. alone who, because of prenatal exposure to alcohol, sustain a considerable amount of damage to interfere with their ability to succeed in life, causing difficulties with school, behavior, social interactions, and eventually employment and independence. Many excellent resources are available for families and professionals dealing with FAS and FAE.

When a developing baby is exposed to alcohol in the womb, any and all areas of the developing brain are at risk of sustaining damage. Static Encephalopathy may involve the frontal lobe, which affects judgment and impulse control, and the corpus callosum, the membrane between the left brain and right brain which affects the ability to process information. There are many links on the internet with more information about FAS and FAE.

A woman can drink while pregnant causing PERMANT brain damage to her child.  The child is taken away, and no charges are pressed.

The Mother can go on to have other children, and cause PERMANT damage to her future children, yet NOTHING is done.

Don't worry honey have as many babies as you like. The state will pay for their care.  You can live footloose with no responsibilities.

If you shake your baby, and cause brain damage you will be put in jail for child abuse or attempted murder.

Isn't  drinking while pregnant a form of child abuse? 

I guess it doesn't matter because the damage was caused when the baby was "just a fetus" not a actual living person.

I'm not feeling so supportive of Lil mans birth family.  I think the state has it ass backwards. There were no repercussions for his birth Mothers actions.  So she went on to have another baby who is now facing the same hardships as my Lil Man.

She needs to be held accountable for her actions.

Something has got to change, the cycle has got to stop. 

Up and down

So we seen a huge improvement the first day Lil man was on his knew meds.  He did not defy one time.  Unfortunately  that all came to an end of Friday when I got a phone call from the daycare telling me I needed to come and clam my out of control child down.

As soon as I walked into the class room, and gave Lil man the look he quickly clamed down.  They told me I did not have to take him home, but I decided too anyway. 

We ventured to the pool, where Lil man had a grand time.

One of the meds that we stopped was adderall, and he has been bouncing off the walls.  Last night he was so hyper I was  physically and mentally tired from  trying to keep up with him.

I was hopefully we would have him on the right combo of meds, before we head out of town next week.  We've got an 8 hour car ride ahead of us. Thank god for the portable DVD player.

Valium anyone?

Getting bigger

 

Lil Man is almost 40lbs, which means he is about to outgrow the 5pt harness on his carseat.  He is no where near ready to ride in a seat belt.  I can see it now, me flying down the dirt road highway, with Lil man bouncing around the back seat.  NOT a good idea.

I decided to purchase him the Graco-Nautilus car seat, because the harness goes up to 65lbs.  It is $149.99 at walmart.com.  Today I ventured over to our local Wal-mart, in hopes of picking one up before our trip next week.  It is priced at $189.99, and they do not match prices from their own website? Does that makes sense?

So I can purchase it at Walmart.com and have it shipped for .99 cents. or I can even have it shipped to my local Walmart store for free.  I dont understand Walmarts logic.

I found it cheaper else where, so Wal-mart just lost out on my business!

Good day

Our apt went well yesterday, they want to see Lil Man every two weeks.   I just wish their office was a little closer.  It's an hour drive each way.  Which means a whole lot of time off work!

The psychologist rubbed me the wrong way, she made me feel as if we were making him out to be a "bad boy", when we are simply trying to get him the help he needs.

She asked if we were a therapeutic home, to which I responded "yes".  Her response "oh that's strange."

I asked her "why do you think that's strange?"  She said "because you both work, one of you all should stay home with him"

I told her "Our agency does not require one parent to stay home, but I will gladly take her up on the offer if she is willing to pay my bills"

I told her that the last Dr recommended he either be in full-time preschool, or a daycare setting to help with his development. I assure her that I met several times with the daycare and went over all of the info with them.

Besides I think I would go nuts being with Lil Man 24 hours 7 days a week, 356 days a year.  You need a break at some point.

We were told to stop all current meds, and were given an RX for two new medications.  However one of the new ones takes time to build up so Lil Man will be flying un medicated for a few weeks.

Keep your fingers crossed that he can make the medication transition  without getting kicked out of daycare!

Me, and my Lil Man...

 

Questions??

If anyone has any questions they would like me to answer please feel free to post them in the comments section, or email them to me!

I have a few questions for those of you who have BTDT (been there done that).

Lil man has an  appointment tomorrow with a child psychiatrist.  For those of you who have been there done that..Got any advice? Questions I should ask the Dr? 

I am hopping to get another DX, and maybe some new meds. 

Given a chance

 

So the daycare admitted that they over reacted on Friday, and my lil man was allowed to come back.. They were under staffed, and not sure how to deal with lil man since the director was out of town.  After a 30 minute meeting when have a plan in place to ensure this does not happen again.

Lil man has no clue what happened is is oblivious, living in his happy care free world.

I started the paper work for hand n hand 2 weeks ago. Hand in Hand  is the local special needs preschool, since school is getting out in two weeks I think they are dragging their feet.  At this point I think it would do more harm than good to put him into school for a few weeks.  He doesn't do well with transition

There is a another special education school in our area. Below is their mission statement.  I think they could serve lil man well.

Our mission is to support these counties by providing comprehensive special education services and therapeutic support for students with severe emotional and behavioral disorders and students with autism. Pathways also serves as a step-down, educational facility for children being discharged from residential hospitals.  Our program provides an individualized program that challenges our students behaviorally and academically and prepares them for re-entrance into mainstream education at their respective home schools.

Hopefully we will get something figured out, because he deserves nothing but the best.  We want to give him the best chance.

What a long day

We left the house around 10am, and headed about an hour north to the aquarium.  Lil man's eyes were so big.  He took his time moving from tank to tank.  He looked at some of the tanks a few times. His favorites were the alligators, the rainbow fish, and the turtles. 

After the aquarium we went to a local deli for some lunch.  Have I told you all how much Lil man can eat?  For lunch he had a 6 inches sub, a juice box, and a bag of chips!

After lunch we ventured over to the public play fountain for a little water play.  Lil man wasn't  too fond of it.  He only lasted 5 minutes.

Since we were in the big city we had some serious shopping to do.  Something we cannot accomplish in our little town.

We went to Hobby Lobby, Target, Ross, T.J Max, The mall, and Michael's.  Lil man did great until her got loose inside Michael's.

I was busy looking at the scrapbook stuff. Dear hubby was in charge of lil man who was out of the shopping cart because he had just came back from the restroom.

Before I knew what was going on Lil man took off and my hubby who has a bad knee was running around the store trying to catch him.  I left my cart ( with my purse inside), and took off running in the other direction. I bumped into hubby, and started to freak because lil man was not in sight.

I ran to the front to stand guard to ensure he did not run outside.  I shouted to the cashier that my little one had ran off and could she please tell her staff to be on the look out for a lil shit  kid running about the store having a grand old time.

I was shaking so bad..  How would I explain this one to his case worker?

Hubby was still running around like a chicken with his head cut off, when I heard giggling coming from the left.  I left my post at the front door, and ran shouting "STOP RIGHT THERE".  Lil man was laughing his head off. I finally grabbed the  back of his shirt, and snatched the lil bugger up.

I was LIVID.

I got down on his level and gave him a taking too.  I am pretty sure he knew I meant business as  I have never raised for my voice at him.  He sat in the cart for the rest of our trip and did not mutter a single word. 

Afterwards we went to Outback for dinner.  Lil man ate more than I did.  Cheese fries, bread, grilled chicken, and mashed potatoes, washed down the a giant glass of milk.

Like a fish..

I wish I could post pictures of lil man online, but it isnt allowed.  I took lil man to the pool today, after her got booted for daycare.  Nothing like rewarding negative behavior!!

He is four years old and has never been swimming.  He didn't even know what swimming pool was.  As we drove too the pool I could see the anxiety in his eyes.  He wasn't quite sure what to expect.  I told him it was just like a giant bathtub, and that I would be there to hold onto him.  He wore floaties (arm bands), and one of those foam things that attaches to your waist.

He clung to my neck so tight I literally could not breath. Once I pried his lil fingers from my neck I held him by the hands and showed him that he could float.  With in 10 minutes he was putting his face under the water and "swimming" by himself.  Shortly after he was jumping off the edge into the water without me catching him.

It was great, I felt like the Mom of a normal kid, laughing splashing and having a great time.  He truly loves the water.  When it was time to leave he didnt pitch a fit, he came out of the water, and sat nicely while I got everyone dressed (I had P (4), and Willie B (19 mo) with me as well.)

I wish we had more normal days.

Got the boot

 

My blood is boiling at the moment.  I received a call from lil mans school a little after Noon.

Daycare- "little man needs to be picked up as soon as possible" "he is out of control, and our staff cannot deal with him"

me: What is the problem?

Daycare: He told another student "shut up bitch", hid under the table while screaming, and refused to do anything he was told"

me: Is he being sent home for the day?

daycare:  You will have to talk to the director about that when she comes back on Monday.

me:  I need to speak with someone right now, I can't wait until Monday.

daycare:  Well Mrs S. if you can get him to listen and get his behaviors under control we will take him back.

me:  Great I will flip a magic switch and have him turned into the perfect student by Monday.

WTF?

You want to do know they were doing when all this went down.  Making Mothers Day cards.  Why would he want to make a Mothers Day card?

So after only two weeks they have given up on my lil man. Leaving myself and my husband stuck between a rock and a hard place.

We want to be apart of our family.  We are willing to try and make this work, but we need support.  We both work we need daycare.  How can they give up on him so quickly?

I am SOOOO frustrated.

Taste the rainbow

 

Skittles where bogo (buy one get one free) at my local grocery store tonight.  So I got this bright idea that I could bribe distract lil man with one skittle for listening and following directions. 

Me: "Lil man it's time to get ready for bed"

LM: "no I am playing with my cars"

Me: "Listen with your ears please it's time to get ready for bed"

LM: "NO I am playing with my cars"

ME: (using reverse physiology) "oh I like the way your using your ears.  When your dressed for bed you can have one skittle."

Lil man jumped up and put on his PJ's without a fight.

I feel like I am training a puppy with a pocket full of doggie bones.

Wonder how long it will last.

Cutie

 

Today was the worst day we have had with little man..It all started when I went to pick him up from daycare and he was in the middle of a rage.  So nice to know he does it even when we are not around.

We came home, Wayne and I were talking about whatever and lil man yelled "Karen shut up, don't talk I am mad at you"

It all went south from there.  He wouldn't use the bathroom he wouldn't eat, and wouldn't play.. He didnt want to be talked to or touched.

He kicked he screamed he threw and broke things.  He yelled " I hate you, leave me alone." "Don't look at me."

I had to  restrain him to stop him from hurting myself, my husband and our household.  When he stopped  trying to harm us, I read him is favorite bedtime story, while he was screaming at the top of his lungs.

Kissed him good night, and tossed him into bed. I sat in the room hoping the screaming would stop, and he would fall asleep.  I was wrong.

It all started up again.

2 hours and 43 minutes later, he asked for milk, as quickly as is started it was all over.

He asked for his dinner, and ate as if he had never eaten before.

I took him into his room, he laid his head on my shoulder and  I rocked him, and sang to him.

He was almost asleep when I laid him on his bed.  He said "I love you see you in the morning"

He's lucky he's so damn cute!

Got style?

 

This parenting thing is cramping my style.  No more sleeping in..no more walking about in my undies or a towel while getting dressed for work.  No more piece and quiet.  No more good night sleep, and no more lazy Sunday's.  But I wouldn't trade it for the world.  We might be tired, and out numbered but we're having a blast.   I enjoy seeing my husband being a Daddy, it makes me love him even more.

A letter

to little man's daycare..

Little man  has been in the care of myself and my husband for a little under two weeks.  Lil man has been diagnosed with Partial Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Below is some helpful advice on caring for a child with FAS.

Fetal Alcohol syndrome is caused by being exposed to alcohol while in the womb. The primary symptoms of prenatal alcohol damage are:

• Poor Impulse Control
• Poor Judgment
• Immature or Inappropriate Behavior
• Small birth weight
• Growth deficiency for height or weight
• Characteristic face
• Central nervous system damage
• Tremors
• Hyper-activity
• Fine or gross motor problems
• Learning difficulties
• Developmental delays
• Behavioral problems - mood swings, defensive and stubborn, lack of self-discipline, genuine innocence, detached attitude

The symptoms highlighted above are the ones that pertain to Lil man . Because there is no physical evidence of FAS in Lil many people tend to think he is a “bad boy”, this is not the case. Lil man does not learn in the same fashion as typical child.

There is no cure for FAS, the damage that was caused to Lil mans brain is permanent.

· Children with FAS may forget to return to class after break, bring their personal belongings home, or even eat their meals at school. Strategies used by some professionals include hand signals, visual clues, pairing the child with another, one word/one task teaching, and adaptive learning tools.

· Structure is important for the child with FAS. Directions should be clear, concise, consistent, and simple. Often times, it is beneficial to have the child repeat the instructions to ensure that they have been correctly understood.

· Children with FAS many times have attention deficits. Therefore, eye contact should be made while speaking, the child should be placed away from potential distractions, hand signals can be used to remind the student to stay focused, and assignments should be broken apart into manageable pieces.

· Organization skills are important for everyone, but may be difficult for children with FAS. A notebook should be used with parents as a general mode of communication, and the routine that the child has in class should be consistent.

· Social skills are sometimes lacking in children with FAS. Therefore, they often times need assistance in developing and maintaining friendships. Teachers can help the child by pairing him/her with a supportive student during group activities.

At home we are working with lil man  on the following:

· Making eye contact when being spoken to or speaking to someone.

· Using words to communicate instead of whining or speaking in a derogatory tone.

· Using proper grammar

· Self help skills: putting on own shoes, cleaning up after himself, remembering to wash hands after using the restroom. Etc.

· Sharing toys

· Playing with other children instead of alongside them.

· No “picking” at his sores. We tell him “to be nice to his body, and rub his sores, not pick them”

· We model appropriate behaviors and give Lil man  suggestions on how to act out his feelings without using anger.

Positive reinforcement, redirection, and time out seem to work best for Lil man. He needs a strict environment with constant reminders. “In ten minutes we are going to clean up the toys, and read a story”.

Forcing him to participate if he does not want to makes his behavior worse. If he does not wish to participate we carry on with the activity as normal, and do not feed into his ‘negativity”

Lil man hides under things often we feel he does this when he is scared, over stimulated or mad because he did not get his way. Generally we try to ignore the hiding unless he is causing him to himself or someone else.

Because of his developmental delays Lil man needs to be reminded to use the bathroom often. If it has been more than 2 hours since he last went, he needs to be “made” to use the restroom or he will wet himself.

We are working with a Speech therapist, Occupational therapist, as well as the ped., and a psychiatrist.

It would be greatly appreciated if you only share this information with the teachers who will be involved in Lil man's care. Including those who fill in when Mrs. B is out of the room. Thanks for taking the time to read this information Should you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask myself or my Husband.

too many toys

 

We spent the morning yardsaling and pick up a few good items!  Most of the stuff for was lil man which was a bad idea.  The fewer toys, he has the better.  Too many toys cause too much stimulation.  But I am a sucker for a cheap price and cute lil face saying "please mommy". 

But I think I learned my lesson when all of the purchases came flying at me, while lil man yelled "take that junk back, or throw it in the trash."

Ahh the life of Foster Mother, trying to fix a wounded soul with little or no experience.

Is it black or white?

 

I am sitting on the floor of my four year olds room, exhausted.  I sitting here  making sure he stays in bed. He has been throwing a fit for almost two hours .  I am tired, and he is beyond tired.

We have been doing so good, no fit since Sunday.  We have been consistent with our routine, and discipline.   There is no rhyme or reason that I can see for the fits.  I say its white, he says its black, and then goes into a rage.

We show him love, consistency, support, and understanding, and we get hatred in return.  It is hard to care about or love someone who tells you they hate you, who takes the fun out of family time, and always finds away to ruin a good time.

Things were going so good. Last night we had dinner in the back yard. Lil man splashed in the water, and was covered in dirt from head to toe.  Tonight after dinner I  had plans to take him to the park, but those plans were shot to hell as soon as we pulled into the driveway and he refused to get out of the car. It has all went down hill from there.

His dinner sits half eaten on the table.  His school papers and torn into peace's and scattered around the livingroom.  He lays in bed with only a pull up on because he refused to put on his pajamas.

While I not it's not his fault, its hard not to get angry on the inside.  If I could just flip a damn switch and make him all better.  Life would be so much easier for us, and for him.

I want to take him to the park, and the zoo.  I want to do normal kid things with him, but I can't because I cannot reward the negative behavior. I want to take him on a playdate with my "mommy friends", but I can't because he will hit, and tell people to shut up, and not to look at him.  He will steal toys, and running away from me. 

In our foster care classes we are taught to support the birth family.  The case plan is always reunification at first. Our lil man does not get visits with his birth family, and I am thankful for that.

I am angry that his Mother is living footloose, and fancy free. While myself, and my husband are cleaning up her "dirty work"  She should be sitting in jail for causing  permanent brain damage to her child.

For now the fight is over, my lil man is fast asleep. Looking ever so sweet, and innocent. 

another one

 

Little man is doing well, we have not had any tantrums since Sunday!!!! FOUR DAYS! He has decided he likes me better than  the hubby even if I am a little more  strict.  He is doing well in "school". He has a few  accident in his undies, but I guess that is to be expected with everything that is going on. 

I found out that birth mom is expecting, and due again soon, which really pisses me off.  If you have no desire to get the first child back, why in the hell are you creating another one?  I think if a parents rights are terminated, that should be made to have their tubes tied.  Since she has done nothing wrong to the unborn she gets to keep it.

Our case worker told me that since lil mans needs are so high we will not be allowed to take another placement until things settle down.  I am a little PO, because I can handle another child.   I think he would benefit greatly from having someone near his age to play with.

Three seats

Tonight was I was driving home from Wal-mart, eating a bag of chocolate chip cookies I glanced in review mirror of my mommy mobile, and laughed at the sight I seen.

Who knew in my mind twenties I would be sporting a mini van full of carseats, and loving every moment of it.  Three boys 4 and under sure keep me busy. No wonder i'm ready for bed and its not even 9pm.

I've got three more seats to fill, in the third row.  Maybe I can talk to hubby into baking a bun in my oven. Triplets?

Celebrate!

Lil man had a wonderful day at daycare today.  His teacher said he was an angel, and very laid back.  I almost chocked...Was she referring to MY lil man?  After "school" we went to the park for an hour.  When we got home lil man went straight to his room to play with his cars while hubby and I made dinner. 

I kept popping into his room reminding him "soon it will be dinner time." "when it dinner time we are going to sit at the table and eat dinner". He came back with the usual "I ain't eating no food" "I wanna play with my cars."

I responded with "your cars will be here when your finished dinner."  Dinner was done, and it was clear he wasn’t ready to join us, so I decided to set a timer.  I set the timer for two minutes, and told him "when the timer rings its time for eat." 

Wouldn't you know that lil man came out of his room, without being prompted as soon as the timer went off!  Dinner went off without a hitch! As did bath time, story time, and bed time.

I even got a hug and kiss good night..

Cheers to a fit free day..woo hoo!

Here I am once again asking for advice.

 

Our lil man seems to have raging fit every day around the same time (5ish).  I cannot figure out what is causing them to happen. He takes 10 mg of Adrenal twice a day (8am and 1pm is when I have been giving it to him). 

Today he had a massive fit because he did not like what I made for dinner.  His tantrum lasted almost an hour. He was told he did not have to eat any but he had to sit at the table for 2 min's.  This caused him to start tantruming  which included him tearing apart his bedroom, hitting and kicking and shouting all the usual nasties..

When he is in his rage you cannot speak to him, it just makes things worse. You cannot hold him because he just hits and kicks.  I sat in his bedroom door way, and would not let him out until he got himself under control.  Half the contents of his room where thrown at me. 

After 45 min he finally  laid on the bed.  I slowly moved closer until I was at the edge of the bed.  Once at the edge of the bed I started rubbing his back, and asked him if I could give him a hug.

I try to talk to him about what he was so upset but he doesn't seem to "get it", he just kept saying "I was mad at you".

After that he was fine. He sat down at the table ,and ate dinner as if nothing had ever happened.  He cleaned up all of the mess he made without being told. I am at a loss as to how to better handle him.

The rest of the day goes off without a hitch he gets dressed no problem, cleans up, plays very well with his toys, and is easily redirected.

Excited..

About the sandbox I just bought online for lil man..

I have a shopping problem, and my hubby is gonna kill me.

Who knew..

So far I have been slapped a few times, told to shut up, and had a pair of Thomas shoes thrown at me.  I was told I am mean, and how much lil man hates me.  There is no reasoning, no talking him out of it, you just have to let it go, and be there to comfort him when its all said and done.

He hates his toys, his bedroom, his food, and his new parents.

Comforting someone who hates you, and is pushing your every button is very had.   I don't think I full understood how damaged these children are. 

It's heartbreaking.  It isnt his fault, he wasn't the one that drank so much it damaged his brain.  He didnt asked to be moved from house to house.

After the raging fit, I am his best friend. He wants a hug, and wants me to play with him.  Hopefully over time these behaviors will reduce. 

For now I am off to do more research!

Thanks

I just wanted to say thank you to those of you who have showed your support.  Friends, family, and other foster parents.  You all have helped us greatly with our move from a family of two to three.

Foster parents who have been there and done that have been emailing me all sorts of links, and advice.  It's great!

The greater part of today was spent running around town, filling our paper work, well check at the Drs, and  enrolling lil man in daycare.  I also started the process to have him enrolled in special needs preschool, and hope to hear back from them at the beginning of next week.

He eats a great deal, and is on the go constantly.  We need a bigger house, as well as a bigger fridge!!!

Emotions.

I don't think I am as tough as I thought I was.  I am not one to run around with my emotions on my sleeve, but I had to hold back the tears on the drive home with lil man.

We are IMPACT certified, and have over 30 hours of additional training, but not one class prepared me for tonight.

Lil man was excited to meet us, and drew us some pictures, and showed us the toys he was playing with.  He kept Wayne busy while I was filling out paper work. 

When it was time to leave he did not want to come with us, he wanted to stay with his social worker.  Once in the car, he calmed down. 

We went for something to eat before getting on the highway as it is over an hours drive from our agency to our house. About 20 minutes into the drive he started asking for his "mama" (his old foster Mother).  The asking turned into crying, and the crying turned into a fit. 

He asked us to turn the car around, and take him to his Mama.  At one point he told us how to get to his "mama's" house.

We told him that we were sorry that he missed his mama, and that we were going to take care of him now.

We pulled over, and I sat in the back holding his hand, while singing him some songs.

Once he got to the house, things clamed down.  We introduced him to the cats, and showed him around. He liked his bedroom, and quickly dumped out all the toy!

He played for about 30 minutes, and then went for a quick bath before bed.  We read books, and snuggled for a little bit.

Shortly before bed said "Will you be my mama?", I said "I will love you and take care of you".  He seemed okay with that.

We kissed him good night, and told him we will seem him in the morning, and off to sleep he went.

I am enjoying the honeymoon phase, and hope he remains as sweet as he seems.

Today's the day

Last night the hubby and I went out to dinner, as our last night as a married couple with no children.  Pretty scary huh?  I am overly excited about picking up lil man, and wish the day was already over.

I wonder what he looks like

What color are his eyes

What color is his hair

Will he like us?

What type of delays does he have?

What is his background

Does he like cats?

What are his favorite foods?

Can he sing his ABC's?

Is he a good sleeper?

So many questions, and no one to answer them.  I guess only time will tell.

We stayed up late last night reading books on FAS, and searching for resources in our area, that lil man could benefit from.

I will post more later tonight, once lil man is tucked in bed (and hopefully sleeping)

Heart broken

 

I received a packet of information on lil man today, and his "story" just breaks my heart.  To say the system has failed him would be an under statement.  He has been in care since birth, within those four sort years he has been in SIX different foster homes.  Our home will be the seventh place he has lived in FOUR YEARS.  That's almost a new home every 6 months, and they wonder why his issues are getting worse.

He is globally developmental delayed, and has fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS), and ADHD.  He likes to be read to, and enjoys snuggling.  He can be aggressive, and his no fear.  He has dimorphic features due to his FAS.  He attends preschool, and is a very social little boy.

I will admit I am scared that I might be in a little over my head.  But I am not about to give up on him, before we even get started.  He needs consistency , he needs love, he needs rules, and boundaries, in order to help him over come his delays.

How is this allowed to happen in our country?  Why has he been moved from home to home.  Why haven't his parents rights been terminated?

I am off to do some research.

10 Surefire Ways to End a Friendship With a Friend Who Does Foster Care

 

By Carrie Craft, About.com

1. Tell the foster family how you could never do foster care because you would love the children too much. This way the foster family feels cold hearted as that is the only way anyone could do foster care according to your statement.

2. Bug the foster family with questions about why the children are not with their birth mom and dad. This is a great way to push the foster family into breaking confidentiality and ruining their reputation as a professional part of the foster care team.
3. Advise the foster family that the foster child just needs a good spanking to solve behavior problems. The foster family will then feel further overwhelmed not only in dealing with behaviors, but in constantly having to explain and defend discipline choices.
4. Devalue the foster family's choice to serve the children of the community by criticizing their decision. Explain how you would never do foster care because it brings bad influences into your home and into the lives of your children.
5. Say things like, "you're too strict", "all the kids need is love," and "you should baby the kids more they've been through so much" undermining the foster parent's ability to make parenting choices for the children within their care.
6. Refuse to understand the need for the children to have boundaries within relationships and triangulate with the kids every chance you get. Try siding with the kids against the foster parents, they love this!
7. When the foster parent is venting to you as one of their much needed support systems, say, “I’ve never seen him/her act like that, he/she was perfect for me,” or “I would take him/her in a minute if I could”. This will cause the foster parent to think that they are going crazy and doubt what they are seeing in the child’s behavior.
8. If the foster child drives you crazy then feel free to tell the foster parents about it. Don’t worry about saying anything rude about the child within their care, it’s not like they are his/her REAL parents anyway. Say things like, “how can you stand that kid?” “ I would have shipped him/her off long ago.” Be sure to complain about the child every chance you get, ignoring any hint of hurt from the foster parent.
9. Drive home any feelings of ineptness by telling the foster parents how you’d have “that kid straightened out in two weeks." Nothing makes a foster parent feel unsuccessful like comparison of parenting skills. This will cause the foster parents to doubt their parenting ability and to second guess every choice and decision.
10. Guilt is a very effective tool if you want to destroy someone’s self-worth. Ask the foster parents if they feel terrible about taking away from their own children with their choice of doing foster care. This is even more effective during times of high stress when the foster child is having behavior problems and the family is in crisis mode.

If you follow these 10 easy steps you too could end a perfectly good friendship with your pal who does foster care!

Yes, I’m only kidding with these suggestions, unless of course you do want to lose your foster parenting friend. But these are statements that I, and many of my foster parenting friends, have personally heard from other well-meaning friends and family. I know hurting me or my family was not intended, but I do hope that through this snarky article others can see how simple statements can affect others

How time flies..

It has been almost TEN months since we started our foster care journey, last June.  I have had a lot of time to prepare for our first placement, and here we are a week away for getting lil man, and I am totally freaking out.  I have cared for children, since I was 12 years old!  But I have never been a Mother..Never been totally responsible for a little person.  How scary!

I have got daycare in place, I am going to schedule a dr's apt, and an apt to get WIC.  I plan to go yard sailing this weekend to see what goodies I can pick up for him!

How exciting!!

I

Its official!

 

We are picking up our first placement this Thursday at 5pm.  A four year old little boy who we will nickname lil man.  How exciting.  I have NOTHING for a 4 yr old boy, time to go shopping!!!

and the phone rings again..

Yesterday as  I was packing my bags, and heading home I received a phone call from my case worker.  They have a four year old little boy who has ADHD, and is developmentally delayed.   Of course we said "yes!"

He's in a relative placement right now, and needs to be moved soon.  I asked what "soon" meant and she told me by the end of the month.  What?  Your gonna make us wait that long?  If they have a willing loving home, what's the hold up?

So for the next two weeks, we are sitting in limbo.  Just waiting. Giving our agencies past history I wouldn't be surprised if they changed their mind, and place him some place else.  Cause that's the type of shit ass luck we have.

classes

 

At our monthly foster care meeting we discussed online training classes for foster parents.  The best one seemed to be Foster Parent college.  For eight dollars you can take a 2 hour class on various subjects from RAD to ADHD, for caring for children with special needs.

The classes are CASA certified, and most agencies accept the certificate which is good for two training hours!

You don't have to sit at your computer for two hours straight,  You can long in and out. You have 30 day to finish the class.

Happy learning..

Poem

 

With love from your foster family

Long Before we realized, long before we ever knew, God Prepared a special place within our hears for you.

We welcome you with open arms into our family. We want you to feel safe, and warm and pray that you will see..

Our home can be a resting place where hope and healing grow.  Where caring friends surround you, and you will come to know-

God had a special purpose when He wove our paths together, and no matter where you life may lead You'll stay in our heats forever.

The single life

 

After our weekend long respite I am rethinking this whole parenting thing.  Maybe we aren't cut out to be parents.  Maybe we've enjoyed the single life a little too much.  We both love children, and enjoy being around them. After all we are the most popular Aunt and Uncle in the family.  But at the end of the day we enjoy our quiet time, and our time together.

Going from no children to one child is a huge adjustment. Add in the fact that most foster children have been neglected or abused in some manner it makes things a little nuts!

On Saturday we took the girls shopping, they each picked out an outfit and Pj's, we went to dinner, and then to a fun house for a few hours.  It seemed whatever we did was not enough.  Can we get a ice cream, can I get my nails done, can we do this or that.

I understand that's probably how life has been for them..Get what you can when you can, because you don’t know where your next meal is coming from let alone your next outfit.  It just breaks my heart. 

They don't know how to interact, they don't know how to play they just know how to survive.  It's heart breaking.

When it was time to take them back to their foster home, both girls said that they didn't want to go.  They wanted to stay  here with us.  As soon as we met up with their foster Mother little bit shouted "can we go to their house again."

I think doing respite as our fist placement might have been a bad idea.  It is such a hard adjustment for only a short period of time.

Until next time..

Welcome too..

 

Motherhood!  I was up half the night with Little bit (my nickname for our youngest FK).  She was crying on and off of ear pain, and was running a slight fever. After a few hours of on and off crying, she finally went to sleep!

When she woke this morning she was in a much better mood, and told me that her ear was no longer hurting.  About an hour after being up she was exhausted, and wanted to sleep.  She was tugging at her ear.  Within 20 minutes her fever had shot up again.

I called our worker to inform her of what was going on, and to ask for her insurance information.  I called the urgent care, only to find out they do not accept Medicaid.  My only choice was to sit in the ER.

Four hours later she was diagnosed with a severe ear infection, and bronchitis.  They doped her up with medication, and flipped a switch from within.  She was bouncing off the walls!!

Poor thing has been on and off all day.  Hopefully she will be feeling better by tomorrow as we have a few surprises in store!

Heart Broken

 

We picked up our respite children a few hours ago.  They were full of questions.  What did our house look like.  Did we have a bathroom?  What kind of food did we have? What were our cats names? Do we have our own children.  Do we have a TV? 

The oldest girl plays the Mother roll doing things for her little sister that a Mother would do.  She has a hard time letting go and just being a child.

The little one loves our house, and is ready to move in!!  She was so excited about "her bedroom", and about the cats.

I cannot imagine being in their shoes.  They no nothing about myself of Wayne.  They are sleeping in strange house with strange people, and really have no clue about where they belong. 

I gave them each a stuff animal to sleep with, and hugged them both good night.  I reassured them that I was in the room next door should they need anything in the middle of the night.

I hope they feel safe, and know that no harm will come to them while they are in our care.

Today's the day!

 

Today is the day we get the girls, I am excited but a little nervous as the same time.  There isnt much  I can't handle, but I am scared of the unknown.  There are so many rules, and regulations that must be followed.  Their every move is charted, their injuries must be recorded, as well as any medication.

Phone calls must be monitored, and they can't be out of my sight.

Check back later, to see how we survive our fist night as respite foster parents!

Respite

 

We are providing respite this week from Thursday until Sunday for two girls age 5 yrs, and 10 yrs old.  We are excited about having some little people in the house, and are open to the challenge.  These girls have only been in care for less than a month, so I am sure they are going to have some "issues"  with respite.

Placement

 

Wayne and I have had our foster care license since December of 2008.  We have had a few phone calls which in the end did not pan out.  Our latest phone call for was a three month old baby boy, who was born with a heart condition which required him to be g-tube fed, and breath via  tracheotomy

Below a copy of a post I wrote reading the baby

So it looks like we wont baby, despite the fact that we are more than willing, and able to care for him.  He is from a county six hours away from us.  They are trying to place him closer to accommodate visits with his birth Mother.

So the baby will stay in the hospital where he has been since birth. Unless they find someone in their county or come to their sense, and place him with us.

So his monthly visit with his birth Mom is worth leaving him alone in a hospital without a family. I am all for reunification, with the birth family, but at what cost?

I should have known better, I shouldn't have gotten so excited.

How is it that everyone else I know has 2-3 placements, and I cant even get a little one?  I am not asking for much. I mean this baby has a g-tube, a tracheostomy, and a heart condition.

Maybe I am putting too many emotions into this whole foster care thing, but its upsetting when we get a call.  They give you all this information.  You paint a picture of this little person in your head.  You open up your home,  you get excited, you make a mental list of everything you need

All for nothing..

Foster teens

 

 

University of Phoenix & NFPA - Partners in Education
The University of Phoenix has offered 50 scholarships to foster youth under the banner of the University's First Chance Scholarship program. 
There are only a few of the scholarships still available.
Don't miss out on reaching your educational goals, apply for one of these final scholarships 
TODAY!!!

Read more about the scholarship and download the application to take advantage of this opportunity by CLICKING HERE.

http://nfpaonline.org/content/?page=HOMEPAGE

Our foster care room

 

We have one crib in the room just now which turns into a toddler bed. We have another in the attic incase we get two young children. I love the bedding set!

The child's dresser, and mirror

A shelf to store keep sakes, and a night light below.

There is a table, and chair set for crafting, a big chair for reading books, or snuggling!

From the door way, you can see the crib, chalk board, table and chair set, and a few toys.

From the reading chair, you can see all of the toys.  A little over the top I know. 

Now we just need some wall decor, and a child!!

Foster care

 

I have decided to start a foster care blog separate from our family blog.  My hope is that someone out there maybe inspired by our journey into foster care, and decided to foster themselves.

My husband, and I had only been married two months, when we decided to look into becoming foster parents.  Fostering is something I have wanted to do since I was a little girl.  It took my husband some time to warm up to the idea. 

Below a post from out family blog written in Aug, of 2008.

 

Wayne, and I have decided to pursue becoming foster parents through a local private foster agency called Georgia safe. It is a long process, and it will most likely be 3-6 months before we receive a child.

We have decided to care for a child between the ages of 0-4 yrs old, who may or may not have mild developmental disabilities. We also stated that we would be willing to take a sibling group of two children if they are both under the age of 4.

So far we have filled out over thirty pages of paper work, submitted copies of every important ID, or paper pertaining to our life. Got a few things notarized, full medical physicals, and mailed everything to the agency.

Next weekend we will travel to Albany, GA. Which is just over an hour from Thomasville, to begin our IMPACT training. ( Initial Interest, Mutual Selection, Pre-Service Training, Assessment, Continuing Development, Teamwork)

After our weekend long training session we will submit finger prints so that the agency can run a background check,

Once our background checks come back clear (Wayne you better not have any hidden secretes!!), we will begin the home study process. I have heard that the home study is the hardest part of the process.

They tour your house, and asked details of your entire life. Questions about your parents, how you were raised, your views of discipline, why you want to be a foster parent etc.

Once the home study is complete all of our info is then submitted before a review board, and we are either approved or dined.

There are so many loving children who need a good home, someone to love them, someone to care about them. Someone to show them that they are important.

Can you imagine being five years old and diagnosed with cancer, not receiving the right treatments, because your parents are too high on drugs to notice.

Can you imagine being a baby born to a mother who has no place to live, no food to give you.

Can you imagine being a teenager fending for yourself because your parents are alcoholics, and spend all of the money on alcohol.

Can you imagine living without power,food, clothes, and shelter. That is some of the challenges these poor children are faced with

While I know we can't save the world, it feels good to know we can make a small difference.

I will keep you updated as we venture further into our foster care journey.

We received our license on December 5, 2008.