Rages..a thing of the past?

Lil man has been with us for just over a month. He has been on his new medication for a little over 2 weeks.  I am so happy to say that the medication is helping a great deal. He no longer rages for 1-2 hours a time.  I am not even sure they classify as rages at this point since they only last 5-15 minutes.

He is still defiant as all get out, but at least he doesn't throw down and trash the house!! Yesterday he showed his true colors while out in public..talk about embarrassing..

He told me: I am gonna rip your head off

He scratched my arm

Tired to bite me

screamed the store down

Threw a few items

screamed some more

told me he was gonna trash my stroller.

and yes people that is a big improvement than before.

Sadly he isnt doing any better at "school" I don't think his teacher is equipped to handle him. I have been working with the director, and we have a few things in place. So we will see how it goes this week

Since stopping the adderall he has  been bouncing off the walls, but I will take the hyperness over the rages any day.

The beast

Tonight I took Lil Man and P to see a ballet performance of Beauty and the Beast.  We knew six little girls (all under 5) who were going to be in it so we couldn't pass up the opportunity to see them all dressed up!

Lil man did great.  His eyes where wide and aware.  He was a little unsure of the Beast.  At one point he put his hand over my eyes, so that "I" would not get scared while the Beast was on stage.

Near the end he asked me if he could get up on stage in a pretty dress, and dance around on his toes. 

After the performance we headed over to my friend S's house, for an ice cream Sunday party in celebrating of the great job her little girl M did in the show.

All was well, Lil man used his manners, gobbled up his ice cream, and asked for seconds! Shortly before 10pm it was time for us to head up. I give plenty of warning.

"In 5 minutes we are going to clean up the toys, because its time to go home"

"Remember in a few minutes we are going to clean up, because its almost time to go home"

We started cleaning up the playroom and little man lost it.  He started kicking  the toys, and telling me "no I am not going home." 

Thankfully S understands, but still its hard. I scooped him up before things escalated.  I then made a mad dash to the car, and hit the road.

I am a very kid friendly person, I like to take them places, but when Lil Man throws down, it makes me want to stay home.

Somebody spare me.

Lil man was taken off his "sleeping pill" two weeks ago.  He was prescribed another one, that was supposed to do the same thing.  For the last week he has cried for the first 3-4 hours after falling asleep.  I spoke with the Dr several times, and was told a side effect of the medication was vivid dreams.  She told me not to worry because he was still getting a restful night sleep (bs).

He appears to be sleeping but cries loud and calls my name.  Often times he is sitting up in the bed. Despite weather or not he's getting a good night sleep I am NOT.

Yesterday I called again and asked for her to take him off the medication.  She told me to give him 25mg of benadryl which I did tonight.  He feel fast asleep, and was sound a sleep until 9pm.  It is now 10:05, and he has been crying on and off for the last hour.  Nothing I do helps, because as soon as I leave the room he starts back up again. 

I am afraid the week of crying out in his sleep has now became a habit, because he if fully awake and screaming his lil heart out, because he wants to sleep in my bed.   I am so tempted to put him into the bed with me, but sharing a bed with a foster child is a huge no no..A girls gotta sleep some time.

He is 1000 times more defiant when he hasn't had a good night sleep, so this week has been rather interesting. 

I am so tired, I just need one night of decent sleep. To top it all off I am on my own this weekend, as my hubby is heading out of town tomorrow.

Lil Man's adventures

P, Lil Man, and Willie B at rest area.

Willie B hanging out on the porch with his blankie

Checking out the waterfall (note: I cannot post pics of lil man's face as he is not legally our child)

Lil Man, and I checking out the view

 

Lil Man on Sun set rock

White Water Falls

 

So many stairs..such little legs...

That's all for tonight...I'm off to bed.

So many firsts.

Lil man has experienced so many firsts over the last few days. Talk about over stimulation..We left Thursday morning and drove about 7 hours to the mountains in Highlands, NC. Willie B and P drove up with us also.

Within 20 minutes of being on the road Lil Man had to pee.  Nothing like peeing on the side of the highway!

On the way up we stopped at subway for lunch, and got a million and one questions about "our three boys who are so close in age."

Lil Man was very unsure about his "mountain vacation", as he has never taken a vacation before.  I kept reassuring him "we are going to stay in our vacation house for a few days, and then we will come home to our XX house".  After the 159th time it finally sunk in.

Every few minutes a little voice from the back seat would say "where are the mountains?' " I don't see them."  "Drive faster", "are we there yet?"

After hours and hours of driving we could finally see the mountains in the distance. Lil Man's eyes lit up.  "We're going up the mountain", he shouted for at least an hour.

What an exhausting adventure..I hope I recover quickly..We're off to the beach in 2 weeks.

Check back later for more vacation adventures, as well as a few pictures.

MIA

We're vacationing in the mountain's  trying to escape the summer heat.  The hubby and I just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary.  Lil man is having the time of his life, hiking, splashing in rain puddles, and scooping out waterfalls.

Thankfully he's being pretty well behaved!

Chocolate

Being a foster parent is by far one of the hardest "jobs" I have had in my entire life.  I feel so sorry for my little boy.  He has been non-stop kicking, yelling, screaming, biting, hitting, and crying since I picked him up from daycare at 5pm.

I am so tired, I dont even had the energy to pack my suitcase and we are leaving first thing in the morning.

I wish I could erase the passed

I wish he could just be happy.

He threw his dinner

Trashed his bedroom

Cried for his dinner after it was taken away

Put a band aid on because he was picking

Refused a bath

Cried for a bath when I put his Pjs on.

Yelled at me

Spit on me

Threw his toys

Took the band-aid off

Cried for another band aid

Laid in my arms, sobbing

Asked for his food (which was in the trash since he threw it on the floor)

Refused his medication

Finally got in the bath

Pooped in the bath

Back out of the bath

I scrubbed the tub, and toys

Ran ANOTHER bath

Got him back into the tub

Cried he wanted out of the bath

Cried louder when I took him out of the bath.

Laid in my arms crying

Refused to put on any Pj's

Didnt want a bedtime story

Cried when I put him into bed naked without a story.

Finally got his PJ's on.

Cleaned up his bedroom

Snuggled for a little while

Read him a story.

Gave him his meds

Kissed him good night

Tucked him into bed.

I Sat down

and he came running and screaming "I wanna watch tv"

Put him back into bed

I Sat on the floor to make sure he didnt get out.

Cried and cried and cried..I want another band-aid.

He settled down, and I left the room.

I think he's finally asleep.  I wont dare open the door to check.

Anyone got any vodka chocolate?

Dork..

We are leaving in less than48 hours for a 8 (ish) hour car ride with P, Willie B, and Lil man.

I've been busy packing all day..

• I've got a bag for snacks a drinks.
• A bag with diapers, wipes, extra change of clothes, and blankies
• A bag full of new toys-stocked up at the dollar store.  I  bought three of each item (chalk board, stickers, board books, slinkies, and a bunch of other crap).  I opened all the packages, and put things into zip lock bags in three's.  I can just reach into the toy bag,  grab a zip lock bag and toss it in the back..There's plenty for everyone.
• Each boy has a suite case
• Hubby has a case
• I've got a case
• Pack n play
• high chair
• meds
• camera
• laptops
• cell phones
• more toys
• single stroller
• Double stroller

I'm not sure I am going to have space for the kids.  I am such a dork I love being organized..

Changes

Each day, ten babies in the U.S. alone are born with a severe enough disabilities to warrant a diagnosis of FAS in infancy, necessitating specialized care and direct supervision throughout their entire lifetime.

As many as one hundred babies are born each day in the U.S. alone who, because of prenatal exposure to alcohol, sustain a considerable amount of damage to interfere with their ability to succeed in life, causing difficulties with school, behavior, social interactions, and eventually employment and independence. Many excellent resources are available for families and professionals dealing with FAS and FAE.

When a developing baby is exposed to alcohol in the womb, any and all areas of the developing brain are at risk of sustaining damage. Static Encephalopathy may involve the frontal lobe, which affects judgment and impulse control, and the corpus callosum, the membrane between the left brain and right brain which affects the ability to process information. There are many links on the internet with more information about FAS and FAE.

A woman can drink while pregnant causing PERMANT brain damage to her child.  The child is taken away, and no charges are pressed.

The Mother can go on to have other children, and cause PERMANT damage to her future children, yet NOTHING is done.

Don't worry honey have as many babies as you like. The state will pay for their care.  You can live footloose with no responsibilities.

If you shake your baby, and cause brain damage you will be put in jail for child abuse or attempted murder.

Isn't  drinking while pregnant a form of child abuse? 

I guess it doesn't matter because the damage was caused when the baby was "just a fetus" not a actual living person.

I'm not feeling so supportive of Lil mans birth family.  I think the state has it ass backwards. There were no repercussions for his birth Mothers actions.  So she went on to have another baby who is now facing the same hardships as my Lil Man.

She needs to be held accountable for her actions.

Something has got to change, the cycle has got to stop. 

Up and down

So we seen a huge improvement the first day Lil man was on his knew meds.  He did not defy one time.  Unfortunately  that all came to an end of Friday when I got a phone call from the daycare telling me I needed to come and clam my out of control child down.

As soon as I walked into the class room, and gave Lil man the look he quickly clamed down.  They told me I did not have to take him home, but I decided too anyway. 

We ventured to the pool, where Lil man had a grand time.

One of the meds that we stopped was adderall, and he has been bouncing off the walls.  Last night he was so hyper I was  physically and mentally tired from  trying to keep up with him.

I was hopefully we would have him on the right combo of meds, before we head out of town next week.  We've got an 8 hour car ride ahead of us. Thank god for the portable DVD player.

Valium anyone?

Getting bigger

 

Lil Man is almost 40lbs, which means he is about to outgrow the 5pt harness on his carseat.  He is no where near ready to ride in a seat belt.  I can see it now, me flying down the dirt road highway, with Lil man bouncing around the back seat.  NOT a good idea.

I decided to purchase him the Graco-Nautilus car seat, because the harness goes up to 65lbs.  It is $149.99 at walmart.com.  Today I ventured over to our local Wal-mart, in hopes of picking one up before our trip next week.  It is priced at $189.99, and they do not match prices from their own website? Does that makes sense?

So I can purchase it at Walmart.com and have it shipped for .99 cents. or I can even have it shipped to my local Walmart store for free.  I dont understand Walmarts logic.

I found it cheaper else where, so Wal-mart just lost out on my business!

Good day

Our apt went well yesterday, they want to see Lil Man every two weeks.   I just wish their office was a little closer.  It's an hour drive each way.  Which means a whole lot of time off work!

The psychologist rubbed me the wrong way, she made me feel as if we were making him out to be a "bad boy", when we are simply trying to get him the help he needs.

She asked if we were a therapeutic home, to which I responded "yes".  Her response "oh that's strange."

I asked her "why do you think that's strange?"  She said "because you both work, one of you all should stay home with him"

I told her "Our agency does not require one parent to stay home, but I will gladly take her up on the offer if she is willing to pay my bills"

I told her that the last Dr recommended he either be in full-time preschool, or a daycare setting to help with his development. I assure her that I met several times with the daycare and went over all of the info with them.

Besides I think I would go nuts being with Lil Man 24 hours 7 days a week, 356 days a year.  You need a break at some point.

We were told to stop all current meds, and were given an RX for two new medications.  However one of the new ones takes time to build up so Lil Man will be flying un medicated for a few weeks.

Keep your fingers crossed that he can make the medication transition  without getting kicked out of daycare!

Me, and my Lil Man...

 

Questions??

If anyone has any questions they would like me to answer please feel free to post them in the comments section, or email them to me!

I have a few questions for those of you who have BTDT (been there done that).

Lil man has an  appointment tomorrow with a child psychiatrist.  For those of you who have been there done that..Got any advice? Questions I should ask the Dr? 

I am hopping to get another DX, and maybe some new meds. 

Given a chance

 

So the daycare admitted that they over reacted on Friday, and my lil man was allowed to come back.. They were under staffed, and not sure how to deal with lil man since the director was out of town.  After a 30 minute meeting when have a plan in place to ensure this does not happen again.

Lil man has no clue what happened is is oblivious, living in his happy care free world.

I started the paper work for hand n hand 2 weeks ago. Hand in Hand  is the local special needs preschool, since school is getting out in two weeks I think they are dragging their feet.  At this point I think it would do more harm than good to put him into school for a few weeks.  He doesn't do well with transition

There is a another special education school in our area. Below is their mission statement.  I think they could serve lil man well.

Our mission is to support these counties by providing comprehensive special education services and therapeutic support for students with severe emotional and behavioral disorders and students with autism. Pathways also serves as a step-down, educational facility for children being discharged from residential hospitals.  Our program provides an individualized program that challenges our students behaviorally and academically and prepares them for re-entrance into mainstream education at their respective home schools.

Hopefully we will get something figured out, because he deserves nothing but the best.  We want to give him the best chance.

What a long day

We left the house around 10am, and headed about an hour north to the aquarium.  Lil man's eyes were so big.  He took his time moving from tank to tank.  He looked at some of the tanks a few times. His favorites were the alligators, the rainbow fish, and the turtles. 

After the aquarium we went to a local deli for some lunch.  Have I told you all how much Lil man can eat?  For lunch he had a 6 inches sub, a juice box, and a bag of chips!

After lunch we ventured over to the public play fountain for a little water play.  Lil man wasn't  too fond of it.  He only lasted 5 minutes.

Since we were in the big city we had some serious shopping to do.  Something we cannot accomplish in our little town.

We went to Hobby Lobby, Target, Ross, T.J Max, The mall, and Michael's.  Lil man did great until her got loose inside Michael's.

I was busy looking at the scrapbook stuff. Dear hubby was in charge of lil man who was out of the shopping cart because he had just came back from the restroom.

Before I knew what was going on Lil man took off and my hubby who has a bad knee was running around the store trying to catch him.  I left my cart ( with my purse inside), and took off running in the other direction. I bumped into hubby, and started to freak because lil man was not in sight.

I ran to the front to stand guard to ensure he did not run outside.  I shouted to the cashier that my little one had ran off and could she please tell her staff to be on the look out for a lil shit  kid running about the store having a grand old time.

I was shaking so bad..  How would I explain this one to his case worker?

Hubby was still running around like a chicken with his head cut off, when I heard giggling coming from the left.  I left my post at the front door, and ran shouting "STOP RIGHT THERE".  Lil man was laughing his head off. I finally grabbed the  back of his shirt, and snatched the lil bugger up.

I was LIVID.

I got down on his level and gave him a taking too.  I am pretty sure he knew I meant business as  I have never raised for my voice at him.  He sat in the cart for the rest of our trip and did not mutter a single word. 

Afterwards we went to Outback for dinner.  Lil man ate more than I did.  Cheese fries, bread, grilled chicken, and mashed potatoes, washed down the a giant glass of milk.

Like a fish..

I wish I could post pictures of lil man online, but it isnt allowed.  I took lil man to the pool today, after her got booted for daycare.  Nothing like rewarding negative behavior!!

He is four years old and has never been swimming.  He didn't even know what swimming pool was.  As we drove too the pool I could see the anxiety in his eyes.  He wasn't quite sure what to expect.  I told him it was just like a giant bathtub, and that I would be there to hold onto him.  He wore floaties (arm bands), and one of those foam things that attaches to your waist.

He clung to my neck so tight I literally could not breath. Once I pried his lil fingers from my neck I held him by the hands and showed him that he could float.  With in 10 minutes he was putting his face under the water and "swimming" by himself.  Shortly after he was jumping off the edge into the water without me catching him.

It was great, I felt like the Mom of a normal kid, laughing splashing and having a great time.  He truly loves the water.  When it was time to leave he didnt pitch a fit, he came out of the water, and sat nicely while I got everyone dressed (I had P (4), and Willie B (19 mo) with me as well.)

I wish we had more normal days.

Got the boot

 

My blood is boiling at the moment.  I received a call from lil mans school a little after Noon.

Daycare- "little man needs to be picked up as soon as possible" "he is out of control, and our staff cannot deal with him"

me: What is the problem?

Daycare: He told another student "shut up bitch", hid under the table while screaming, and refused to do anything he was told"

me: Is he being sent home for the day?

daycare:  You will have to talk to the director about that when she comes back on Monday.

me:  I need to speak with someone right now, I can't wait until Monday.

daycare:  Well Mrs S. if you can get him to listen and get his behaviors under control we will take him back.

me:  Great I will flip a magic switch and have him turned into the perfect student by Monday.

WTF?

You want to do know they were doing when all this went down.  Making Mothers Day cards.  Why would he want to make a Mothers Day card?

So after only two weeks they have given up on my lil man. Leaving myself and my husband stuck between a rock and a hard place.

We want to be apart of our family.  We are willing to try and make this work, but we need support.  We both work we need daycare.  How can they give up on him so quickly?

I am SOOOO frustrated.

Taste the rainbow

 

Skittles where bogo (buy one get one free) at my local grocery store tonight.  So I got this bright idea that I could bribe distract lil man with one skittle for listening and following directions. 

Me: "Lil man it's time to get ready for bed"

LM: "no I am playing with my cars"

Me: "Listen with your ears please it's time to get ready for bed"

LM: "NO I am playing with my cars"

ME: (using reverse physiology) "oh I like the way your using your ears.  When your dressed for bed you can have one skittle."

Lil man jumped up and put on his PJ's without a fight.

I feel like I am training a puppy with a pocket full of doggie bones.

Wonder how long it will last.

Cutie

 

Today was the worst day we have had with little man..It all started when I went to pick him up from daycare and he was in the middle of a rage.  So nice to know he does it even when we are not around.

We came home, Wayne and I were talking about whatever and lil man yelled "Karen shut up, don't talk I am mad at you"

It all went south from there.  He wouldn't use the bathroom he wouldn't eat, and wouldn't play.. He didnt want to be talked to or touched.

He kicked he screamed he threw and broke things.  He yelled " I hate you, leave me alone." "Don't look at me."

I had to  restrain him to stop him from hurting myself, my husband and our household.  When he stopped  trying to harm us, I read him is favorite bedtime story, while he was screaming at the top of his lungs.

Kissed him good night, and tossed him into bed. I sat in the room hoping the screaming would stop, and he would fall asleep.  I was wrong.

It all started up again.

2 hours and 43 minutes later, he asked for milk, as quickly as is started it was all over.

He asked for his dinner, and ate as if he had never eaten before.

I took him into his room, he laid his head on my shoulder and  I rocked him, and sang to him.

He was almost asleep when I laid him on his bed.  He said "I love you see you in the morning"

He's lucky he's so damn cute!

Got style?

 

This parenting thing is cramping my style.  No more sleeping in..no more walking about in my undies or a towel while getting dressed for work.  No more piece and quiet.  No more good night sleep, and no more lazy Sunday's.  But I wouldn't trade it for the world.  We might be tired, and out numbered but we're having a blast.   I enjoy seeing my husband being a Daddy, it makes me love him even more.

A letter

to little man's daycare..

Little man  has been in the care of myself and my husband for a little under two weeks.  Lil man has been diagnosed with Partial Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Below is some helpful advice on caring for a child with FAS.

Fetal Alcohol syndrome is caused by being exposed to alcohol while in the womb. The primary symptoms of prenatal alcohol damage are:

• Poor Impulse Control
• Poor Judgment
• Immature or Inappropriate Behavior
• Small birth weight
• Growth deficiency for height or weight
• Characteristic face
• Central nervous system damage
• Tremors
• Hyper-activity
• Fine or gross motor problems
• Learning difficulties
• Developmental delays
• Behavioral problems - mood swings, defensive and stubborn, lack of self-discipline, genuine innocence, detached attitude

The symptoms highlighted above are the ones that pertain to Lil man . Because there is no physical evidence of FAS in Lil many people tend to think he is a “bad boy”, this is not the case. Lil man does not learn in the same fashion as typical child.

There is no cure for FAS, the damage that was caused to Lil mans brain is permanent.

· Children with FAS may forget to return to class after break, bring their personal belongings home, or even eat their meals at school. Strategies used by some professionals include hand signals, visual clues, pairing the child with another, one word/one task teaching, and adaptive learning tools.

· Structure is important for the child with FAS. Directions should be clear, concise, consistent, and simple. Often times, it is beneficial to have the child repeat the instructions to ensure that they have been correctly understood.

· Children with FAS many times have attention deficits. Therefore, eye contact should be made while speaking, the child should be placed away from potential distractions, hand signals can be used to remind the student to stay focused, and assignments should be broken apart into manageable pieces.

· Organization skills are important for everyone, but may be difficult for children with FAS. A notebook should be used with parents as a general mode of communication, and the routine that the child has in class should be consistent.

· Social skills are sometimes lacking in children with FAS. Therefore, they often times need assistance in developing and maintaining friendships. Teachers can help the child by pairing him/her with a supportive student during group activities.

At home we are working with lil man  on the following:

· Making eye contact when being spoken to or speaking to someone.

· Using words to communicate instead of whining or speaking in a derogatory tone.

· Using proper grammar

· Self help skills: putting on own shoes, cleaning up after himself, remembering to wash hands after using the restroom. Etc.

· Sharing toys

· Playing with other children instead of alongside them.

· No “picking” at his sores. We tell him “to be nice to his body, and rub his sores, not pick them”

· We model appropriate behaviors and give Lil man  suggestions on how to act out his feelings without using anger.

Positive reinforcement, redirection, and time out seem to work best for Lil man. He needs a strict environment with constant reminders. “In ten minutes we are going to clean up the toys, and read a story”.

Forcing him to participate if he does not want to makes his behavior worse. If he does not wish to participate we carry on with the activity as normal, and do not feed into his ‘negativity”

Lil man hides under things often we feel he does this when he is scared, over stimulated or mad because he did not get his way. Generally we try to ignore the hiding unless he is causing him to himself or someone else.

Because of his developmental delays Lil man needs to be reminded to use the bathroom often. If it has been more than 2 hours since he last went, he needs to be “made” to use the restroom or he will wet himself.

We are working with a Speech therapist, Occupational therapist, as well as the ped., and a psychiatrist.

It would be greatly appreciated if you only share this information with the teachers who will be involved in Lil man's care. Including those who fill in when Mrs. B is out of the room. Thanks for taking the time to read this information Should you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask myself or my Husband.

too many toys

 

We spent the morning yardsaling and pick up a few good items!  Most of the stuff for was lil man which was a bad idea.  The fewer toys, he has the better.  Too many toys cause too much stimulation.  But I am a sucker for a cheap price and cute lil face saying "please mommy". 

But I think I learned my lesson when all of the purchases came flying at me, while lil man yelled "take that junk back, or throw it in the trash."

Ahh the life of Foster Mother, trying to fix a wounded soul with little or no experience.