Pushed to the limit..

Today we had a long day of shopping with Lil man in tow. Our first stop was the car dealership, where were stuck there for two hours. After spending a small fortune on a new car for the hubby I decided I needed to do some spending so we headed for the outlet mall.

Lil Man got a few shirts, a pair of sun glasses, some Scottish candy, and two rides on the .50 cent ponnies. I picked up a totally cute liz claborn purse which retails for $70.00, I paid $15.00! I also got a pair of sandles.


A few hours later we headed to Target. Lil Man loves Target, he pretends he's going to Target when playing with his cars! When he was told he could not get a new car he totally lost it.

"I don't like this family anymore"

"I am going to tell people to shut up"

Me: "I cant hear what your saying, because your not talking nicely"

"I said I don't like this family"

Hubby and I are just ignoring him

"You make me so angry"

Hubby and I are talking to each other.

"hello Mommy, I said I dont like this family"

"Mommy?"

"I want a new family"

"shut up"

"shut up"

"shut up"

"mommy?"

"Mommy?"

I just continue my shopping all the while nosy people are staring at us. I smile, and keep walking.

"Mommy I love you, and our family"

How sweet it is..To be loved by you..

PSA

So I am writing a public service announcement to all those out there who don't know what to say to my Lil Man.

For example:

"Go give this to your Aunt Karen."

"your uncle Wayne is here."

We're not his aunt and uncle. He doesn't have to call us MR. and Mrs. He doesn't have to call us Mom and Dad.

He either calls us:

By our first name: Karen, and Wayne

Mommy, and Daddy, because for right now are for filling that role in his life.

or Mama Karen and Daddy Wayne.


Also when introducing myself, my husband and our Lil Man to someone please don't point out that he is our foster child, right in front of him. There is no need to call him out.

Boy was my Lil man confused tonight at a rehearsal dinner for Wayne's bros wedding.

Three Lil Men

Lil man continues to do well on his new regime of mediation, as well as a lot of direct supervision. Today I took all three boys to the flint aquarium. With the amount of stuff I packed one would have thought we were going out of town for the weekend.

Seeing their excitement is well worth the one hour drive. We got home arou nd 3pm, relaxed in front of the tube for a little while, played some cars, and puzzles. Around 5pm we headed for the outdoor pool/water park. After the pool we stopped by Wendy's, for some yummy processed food. As soon as we got home the boys hit the hay, I haven't hear a peep since.

Caring for 3 boys 4 and under wears me out. I don't know how you other Mommies do it. They listen very well, but they are always on the go. From sun up to sun down it is non-stop work!

splish splash

I am sitting outside soaked in bug spray, watching my Lil man play. He's sliding down his slide into his pool. Two months ago, he could not be trusted to play in the back yard unless we were standing beside him. Right now I am several feet away, chillin under an umbrella. I do not have to worry about him running away. He has gotten control of his body, and now understand what stop means.


It took a hundred and one trips back inside for him to finally understand that if he runs away he will not be allow to play in the backyard. One hundred and one tantrums, one hundred and one I hate you's. All that hard work has finally paid off!

Ahh, life is good!

One way or another

Last night I lay in bed and fought away tears. My heart was breaking for the little man who now calls me Mommy. We did not become foster parents with the intentions of adopting. We have been asked several times if we are interested in adopting our Lil Man, but we have yet to come up with an answer.

His needs are life long, he may never be able to function as an independent adult. He may grow up and be just fine, as long as he is on medication.

Meeting Lil Man's birth family yesterday was a huge eye opener to me. He has endured so much, but he has come so far. I cannot imagine what condition he would be in if he had been left in the care of his birth Mother. At least now he has a fighting chance.

As of right now we do not want to adopt. We are a young couple who are just starting out. At the same time if we do not adopt him I feel as if we are failing him.

My heart breaks when he asks why he cant go to his "other mama's house" (former foster mother). I cannot imagine him being in someone else home crying out for myself and my husband, and us not being there to comfort him.

We have about a month to make a decision one way or another. Who knew such a lil guy could make such a huge impact.

Happy (foster_ Fathers day

Happy (foster) Fathers day.

On Father's day, and always,

May this gesture of love express my gratitude

for all you have given to me.

May your Father's day be filled

with the same joy, and laughter

with which you have shown me.

Thank you for showing your strenght,

your wisdom, and your love.

Thank you for loving me.

Love your Lil Man

Visit (update)

Lil Man did really well at his visit today. Instead of being his birth mom and Aunt there, there were over 15 family members. Talk about overwheleming. He took everything instride playing with his cousins, posing for a few pictures, and drinking chocolate milk.

His BM did not pay him much attention, she just chatted about her life, and her new baby. She did hug and kiss him good bye. The Aunt who had him in her care for 17 months, was all over him, as were her five daughters. You can tell that his aunt really cared about him.

Today was a real eye opener, it was my first experaince with a birth mom, let along a birth family. They are supposed to see him next month before court, as rights are being terminated this time (or so they say.)

Visits

All is going well in our house hold. Lil Man has turned into my baby. He crawls, around saying "mama mama, pick me up" in the cutest little baby voice. Acting like a baby is a safe thing for Lil man. He likes to be rocked, and held like a baby. Whatever my boy wants..he gets..SPOILED!

Tomrorow he is having a two hour long visit with is birth Mom (BM), I am not sure what to expect. As far as I am aware he does not know/consider her his Mommy. He referrs to her by her first name.

I am still a little puzzled as to why she is allowed to visit. She has not seen lil man in four months. Before the visit four months ago, it had been seven months. So in a year she has seen her child twice. His previous foster Mother told me that his BM doesnt even pay him attention at visits.

But atlast we have to play by the rules. The law states she still has rights.

Nope, not yet..

All that excitment for nothing..Our angecy will not lift the "specatily" title that was placed on Lil Man because of his needs. They said his behiavors have to be consisnt for 90-120 days before we can accept another placement. So we cannot take the child we recived the call about yesterday. A 6 yr old little boy with quadriplegic CP, abd g-tube fed.

He is in another foster home with five other children, and they are not able to meet his needs.

I am so sadened that we cannot care for him. Medically fragile children is one of the main reasons we decided to become foster parents. All because of a little girl named Teagyn.

Case worker..update

Below is a copy of an email I sent to Lil man's case worker..

Just wanted to let you all know that Lil Man l is doing WONDERFUL! The new combo of medication has helped greatly! His negative behaviors are almost non-existent, with the exception of typical 4 yr old behaviors.

He has come so far in a few short weeks. He now dresses himself daily, cleans his room when prompted, brushes his hair, etc with little assistance! He no longer wears pull up's to bed , and has not wet the bed in weeks.

His attention span has improved he will stay focused, and finish an activity, rather than bouncing for thing to thing.

His impulse control has improved greatly. He can be trusted to play alone in his room without direct supervision. When he does something wrong he now shows remorse, and says sorry without being prompted.

For the passed three day's at school he has stayed in the classroom the entire day without having to be removed due to his rages. Previous he was being removed multiple times a day. He is following directions, and interacting more with his classmates.

The only time his negative behaviors come out is when he is in a new setting or overly tired. Today we went bowling, and he acted out, because he was over stimulated.

We are so proud of how far he has come, and hope he only moves forward from here!

Karen

Ring baby ring..

I got an exciting phone call today about a possiable placement!! Check back tomorrow for more info.

What a waste

Respite was a big fat wast of time. When I picked Lil Man up he came running to me with a red kool-aid jammer in his hand shouting"mommy mommy, thanks for coming back to get me." I specifically asked the respite Mom to only give him 100% juice, milk or water. I told her we are trying to stay away from red food dye, and other junk foods. While these thing's might be okay for some they are not okay for my Lil Man. It gives him 10000% times more engery, and anger.

Respite Mom had his bags packed, and we headed out the door. He refused to get into the car, refused to sit in his carseat, refused to keep his shoes on. Screamed half the way home, refused to get out of the car, and continue his antics until he went to bed 30 mintues early.

I couldnt take it anymore.

So it looks like we're back at square one, all of our hard work was just flushed down the toilet. Good by sweet boy, welcome back my little ranging terror.

I am kicking myself for putting him in respite, I feared this would happen. Last week was a great week. We had no rages, a huge attention span, and sweet little boy to go along with it.

On Thursday and Friday he stayed in the classroom ALL day at daycare. He did not get sent to time out ONCE..NOT ONE TIME in two days.

So its back to boot camp one on one. We have to stay on top of his every move, we cant give him an inch because he will take a mile.

I hope he is just testing us, and things will get back to "normal", becuase I don't want things to go back to what they were like six weeks ago.

Fingers crossed.

mommy guilt

The hubby and I are finally celebrating our first wedding anniversary tomorrow.  As foster parents we are not allowed to leave our foster children with baby sitters.  In order for someone to babysit one of our foster children they must have a background check, be first aid and CPR certified, and complete the required training.  They must also be over the age of 18, and can only care for the children in our home.

So tonight we are dropping Lil Man off at another foster home, so we can have a little respite.  I feel horrible dropping him off with someone he does not know.  I would not leave my biological child with a random person. 

Its a tough situation as newlyweds it's important we spend time together.  But at the same time we signed up to care for Lil Man, so that we must do.  I feel like I am failing him, he is going to be confused.  I just hope he does not regress.

I have not told him yet, because telling him this far in advance will cause his little head to spin out of control.  I will let him know about an hour before we leave.

The hubby and our case worker keep on assuring me that Lil Man will be okay.  But that doesnt make me feel any better.   

Down 42, and stuck

Since January 5th of this year I have lost 42lbs, but I seem to be "stuck." I wish I could pay someone to shave my hips off so that I no longer look like a pear.  I've dropped 2 dress sizes, and lost a a lot of inches, but my hips aren't moving. My hips are about 10 inches bigger than my waist which makes buying jeans a pain in the butt!!

Pants just fall of my waist,they  are too tight in in the hips..There is a of extra fabric in the front, and they are typically too big on my legs.

I know I will never be a size 6, but damn a 10 would  be nice.

At lest i've still got boobs! HA!

Oh my lordy..

Around 6:30am, I heard a squeaky little voice call "mommy."  Like the good Mother that I am I hopped out of bed to see what was the matter.   I obliviously walked into Lil mans room to find him sitting naked on his bed. There was poop everywhere.  My worst nightmare had just came true.

I am not sure how it all unfolded, but all I know is that his sheet, his comforter, his pillow, as well as his body was covered in poop. Not what I wanted to wake up too on this bight and sunny Wednesday morning.

Thankfully he didnt smear his poop all over the textured  walls, now that would have been a disaster.

My house stinks...

What?

 

I just got a email form Lil Man's case worker, his Birth Mom wants to visit him.  She hasn't seen him  or call to inquire about him since February.  I am assuming she's wanting to show off her new baby, and scope us out since she just found out he's in a new placement.

Is paper work says no family contact, and his goals are non-reunification and TPR.

The last foster Mother told me she ignore him during visit's. So why does she want to visit?

I wonder..

Mr. poopy pants

On Friday Lil Man was not feeling well.  He was up a lot of the night with a barking  cough.. By Saturday he hadnt gotten any better so off the doctor's we went.  I am so glad our pediatrician is open on Saturdays!

Despite my best efforts Lil Man had to touch everything insight.  Germs don't scare him, so he didn't care when I told him "dont touch that your going to get germs"

We were in and out in record time with a diagnosis of croup, and 3 rounds of steroids.  The cough was almost gone by Sunday. 

This morning Lil Man woke me up at 6am with "Mommy, I have to poop.", who poops at 6am? 

Low and behold he has the runs..most likely he picked something up at the doctors office.  If only he had listened and kept his hands to himself.  We are on outfit number 5 of the day.   I tired to put a pull-up on him just in case but he thought it was cute to poop in it so that didn't work.

Just when I thought I was caught up on my laundry.

fun times

Yesterday I took Lil Man, P and Willie B to see Sesame Street live.  I was worried that Lil man would run off, but he did really well holding hands.  I carried Willie B in the sling, put a harness on Lil man just in case, but also held is hand, and held onto to parker with my spare finger hand. 

They each got a tee-shirt, and a flag..They sat great for the entire show.  Lil Man kept trying to run off and get on stage.  He just wanted to give big bird a hug.

The cotton candy was a huge hit, as was the popcorn. 

Afterwards we went to the mall, where we received many nasty comments, for having "so many children so close in age"  I just wish people would mind their business. 

After someone has made a nasty comment, I love to say "actually none of them are mine, i'm the nanny"  Maybe next time they will think before they speak.

Life book

As a foster parent, we are required to make a "life book" for our foster children.  The purpose of a life book is to document important information, and mile stones of the child's life while he/she is in care.

I have made the first few pages in Lil mans scrapbook/life book.  The first page says "It's a boy", and his birth date, weight, and the location of his birth.  It also includes the full names of his birth parents.  What is missing is a picture of a tiny  baby boy.

Sadly our Lil man came with nothing, not even a picture.  He has lost the first four years of his life, and memories to the system.  Passed events will be forgotten, and questions will go unanswered, because we simply don't know.

He has been in seven different homes, and not one person had the time or desire to create a life book for him.  He often talks about people, and I have no clue how they are related.  He speaks often about the dog he had in his previous foster home.

There is no record of important mile stones, no evidence  of birthday parties, or Christmas celebrations.  I have tired to gather information from his DFAC's worker,  but she can barley answer her phone let alone find out important information.

I hope that when he goes onto his forever family, his life book will be able to answer some of the questions he has.  I hope he will see that we enjoyed having him in our lives, and that we tired our best to give him a normal life.

I love that Lil man, even when he spits in my face.

The right thing?

I am sitting here beating my head against the wall.  Around 12:30 I got a call from Lil Man's daycare.  He was screaming so loud in the background, I couldn't understand what the director was saying. 

By the time I went to pick him up, he was finished with his screaming fit, but I took him home.  He was screaming because he wanted to wake the other children so that he would have someone to play with.

I am not sure if we made the right decision by taking Lil Man into our home.  He has made great improvements since being placed with us.  He listens very well to me.  However daycare is a different situation

He pee's on the floor out of frustration

Spits on people

Tells me people to shut up

Screams at nap time, hoping to wake the other kids

Runs out of the classroom

Demands food

He pretty much rules the roost.

Would he be better off in a family with a Mother the stays at home?  When we were on vacation, he did really well, because he was with myself and my husband for 6 days 24/7.

I have sent in educational info to the teachers.  I have taken time off work, to show them how we deal with the negative behaviors.  I have talked and talked and talked to them.

He loves to go to "school", he enjoys painting, playing with his friends, and running around.  He doesn't enjoy sitting at the table, or taking a nap.  But hey we all have to do things we don’t like, that's apart of life.

He is never going to advance academically if he cant sit still for more than two seconds.

There are no daycare's for special needs children.  He attends one of the best daycare's in our town.  There are only five children in his class. 

He will return again Monday morning, and I will bit my tongue, and cringe each time my phone rings.

I am just trying to ride out the storm until the school year starts.  August cannot come fast enough.

Spoke too soon..

Today at school Lil Man told his teacher "i'm gonna pee on your floor", and he did..

Such a defiant Lil bugger..

Home

There are hundreds of children around the world dying from starvation, or some other treatable disease.  A lot of these children are in orphanages waiting for their "forever family."

I've looked at a lot of their pictures, read their story, and have even feel in love with a few of them.  But there is no way we could afford $25K to adopt a child.

I just don't understand.  Doesn't the government see that these kids need a home..better yet they need food and proper medical care.  So why on Earth does it cost so much?

Thankfully in our area is it free to adopt a child from the foster care system.  Many times the child is still eligible for insurance, and a small per deim.

I will admit we have been asked if we are interested in adopting Lil Man, and I couldn't come up with an answer.  I don't think we have had enough time to bond with him.  To adjust to our new role as Mom, and Dad. I am not sure if I am willing to commit my entire life to Lil Man.  I do not think he will be able to live on his own as an adult.

However at the same time I cannot imagine our life without him. He consumes so much of our time, I am not sure we will know how to act if and when he "goes home."

I don't want to be another person who  walks out on him.  I don't want him to wake up crying for me at night, and I not be there to comfort him.  I don't want him to ask his "next mama", where I am.  I don't want her to have to tell him "I'm your Mommy now."

In such a short time he he has made a huge impact on our life.  I hope nothing but the best for our Lil Man, where ever he ends up in life.

Loving life..

I am enjoying  life thru Lil Man's life. There are so many simple thing he has not experienced his his four short years.  Thing's that most parents do with their children on a weekly basis.

Yesterday he had his first experience with play doh.  The look on his face was priceless as the hubby molded different shapes and animals for Lil man to look at.

I squeezed the play doh into his hand, and his sweet little eyes became huge.

He had his first ice cream, first experience riding a train, first time  bouncing on a moonwalk.  First time painting, using calk, sticking stickers on paper, and using glue!

Simple thing's bring him so much joy! I'm lovin it.